Stay
by KoolKat91
Summary: Jackson Avery and April Kepner have been through a lot together. Somewhere along the way, they became best friends. Then they became lovers. Then they broke up and moved on with their lives. But what happens after April finally admits her true feelings for Jackson? Will he tell her how he really feels? Or will he let her go forever? Set right after 9x24.
1. Accidental Feelings

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm new here and this is my very first fanfic so go easy on me lol. I just love the pairing of Jackson/April so much and I have so many thoughts going through my head after what happened with these two in the finale that I had to write something to get me through the hiatus. Hopefully this can help you all get through the long wait until season 10 as well. :)**

**Every time I hear the song "Stay" by Rihanna, it always makes me think about Jackson and April. So I decided to title my story after it.**

******This will be a multi-chapter story. I have it almost all planned out in my head, I just need to write it down.**

**Setting: Right where the season 9 finale left off. This is my interpretation of what is going to happen between Jackson and April come season 10. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Accidental Feelings**

_~Round and around and around and around we go~_

"I want you, Jackson."

"I want _you_," April barely managed to get out for the second time before a sob escaped her lips.

She was terrified of saying these three words out loud. Scared of the consequences they would bring. Scared that she was too late and that he wouldn't want her back. Yet she also felt an immense rush of relief after she said them and it felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off of her shoulders. She had been carrying around all of these feelings for this man right in front of her and she hadn't even known. She had to get them out.

"April," Jackson spoke softly.

"I haven't been fair to you, I know and I've – I've really hurt you."

"And you're getting married," Jackson reminded her in an almost accusing tone.

She_ was _getting married. She knew that. It's not like it's something one could easily forget, but for a moment, when she had thought that she had lost Jackson in that explosion and even for a few moments after that, she _had _forgotten. All she had been able to think about at the time was how her life would be completely empty and worthless had something happened to Jackson.

"When that bus exploded and – I thought you were gone," that was all she was able to say before her words got caught in her throat. She had to put her hand over her mouth to stop the sobs from escaping her.

She couldn't even begin to explain the rollercoaster of emotions that had overtook her when she had thought that he was gone. She remembered trying to run towards the bus thinking that she could somehow, by some miracle, save him before it exploded. She hadn't even thought, or cared really, what would happen to her in the process.

Before she could do anything though, she felt someone pull her back and she felt her heart sink. She didn't even remember who it was. Everything was a blur – everything except for that burning bus.

She remembered struggling, trying to escape the arms that were keeping her from helping the man that she cared about more than anything. _She had to get to him. She had to save him. He had to be ok._ That was all that was racing through her mind over and over as she fought to free herself from the person holding her back.

Then, in that moment when the bus had exploded, it had felt like everyone around her was moving in slow motion. She had felt utterly _devastated _and alone in those few seconds. All of her memories together with Jackson flashed by in her mind. All of the what-ifs and could-haves stabbed like a knife through her heart. She had _never _experienced anything so terribly _painful and heartbreaking_.

Then, when he had emerged from the fire with a little girl in his arms, she had been in absolute shock._ How was it possible?_ She thought for sure that she had lost him forever. Yet there he was. She couldn't believe it.

After the shock wore off, then came the _anger_ and the _rage_. _What was he thinking? How could he have been so careless with his own life? How dare he almost leave her like that?_ She knew it was selfish, but she didn't care. So she had freaked out on him and hit him because she was so angry, but mostly because she had to have an excuse to touch him, to see if he was really there and that she wasn't just imagining things.

"You're getting _married_," Jackson said for the second time, bringing her back to reality.

Lighting struck and lit up the room for a few brief seconds. For the first time since she had entered his room, April got a clear quick view of Jackson's face. He looked confused and something else that she couldn't quite make out.

April summoned all the confidence that she could manage. She looked right into his eyes and said,

"Unless you can give me a reason not to".

* * *

Jackson couldn't believe what he was hearing. After all this time that he had spent thinking that April had moved on, that she didn't think about him in that way anymore, here she was telling him that _he _was who she really wanted after all.

He should be happy right? I mean, this _was_ the woman with who he was completely and totally in love with and here she was standing right in front of him telling him that she wanted him.

He had _dreamed_ about moments like this.

However, there was one small problem.

She's getting married.

He had to keep reminding himself of that. He not only kept repeating it out loud to her, but he also kept repeating it to himself in his head. Maybe it was so that he wouldn't make the mistake of forgetting that one little detail, or maybe it was so that April would realize that what she was actually saying to him right now was impossible. How was it possible that she wanted _him_ now, after everything that had happened between them? After she had moved on without him? After she had just said yes a few hours ago to another man's marriage proposal?

No, she couldn't mean any of this. This had to just be another one of her anxiety attacks, like the one that she had gotten on the day before their boards. Today had been a long, crazy day and he had almost died. She was just in aftershock. Yes, that must be it. She would realize what a big mistake she was making and regret everything that she was saying to him by tomorrow morning.

After what seemed like ages of just staring at each other, April couldn't take the suspense any longer,

"Jackson, say something. _Anything_. Please."

"I-I can't," he barely managed to breathe out.

April furrowed her brow in confusion. "You can't say anything?"

"No, April. I can't give you a reason," Jackson quietly replied.

He immediately regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He saw April's face fall and her eyes begin to water yet again with fresh tears. These tears were different from her previous ones though. Her tears earlier had been those of confusion and fear for what she felt for him and for having almost lost him, but these tears – these tears were of hurt and betrayal. He couldn't look at her like this, especially knowing full well that _he _was the reason behind those tears.

He immediately tore his eyes away from hers and focused them on the hospital floor instead.

April spoke as she struggled to keep her voice steady, "J-Jackson, I already told you how sorry I am for hurting you before. I know I messed up, but if you just give me another chance I promise –".

"April," Jackson interrupted her. He had to stop her. He couldn't stand seeing her like this. He had to say something to put her at ease. "I can't give you a reason, at least not _right now_. Today's been crazy with the explosion and now you telling me all this. I just - I need some time to process everything."

"You're right," April said in a much calmer voice, "Today has been crazy and I don't want to pressure you or anything, but I really need to know how you feel right now and what you're thinking. Please talk to me Jackson".

"You wanna know what I'm thinking? All right, I'm thinking that you're really confused at the moment and maybe you're not thinking clearly. I mean, you just got _engaged_ a few hours ago and now you're saying that you want _me_? I'm not sure if you really mean that," Jackson confessed.

"_I do_. I do mean it Jackson and I know it might seem hard to believe but –".

"Yeah, it is hard to believe April because when we were together all you ever did was just blame me for everything. All this time you made it seem like I took everything away from you – your virginity, your relationship with Jesus, your chance at passing your boards. You made yourself the victim and you made me the bad guy, but I don't want to play these games with you anymore April. I'm tired of all this back and forth, one day you're blaming me for all of you're problems the next you're inviting me out for drinks. One minute you're getting married to another guy, the next you're telling me that you want me," Jackson sighs deeply before continuing, "I just honestly don't know if giving us another shot will turn out any differently. I think we'll just end up hurting each other again. Maybe we're just meant to be friends."

By the time he finished his harsh speech, April's face was streaked with tears. Why was he doing this to her? Why was he doing this to himself? He was purposely hurting the _one _person that he cared about more than anyone else in the entire world. His best friend. The woman he loved. It pained him to see her like this, but this was the way it had to be. He had to be as hard with her as he could so that she would leave him and never come back. Because he was too much of a _damn_ coward. Because he was too scared to open himself back up to her and be vulnerable again. But most of all, because she deserved someone better than him.

She was _so _close to getting everything that she had ever wanted in life. Her big perfect wedding, the perfect guy of her dreams, everything that she possibly could have ever dreamed of and he wasn't about to ruin it all for her, because she deserved it all.

She deserved to be with someone that believed in the same things she did. Someone who would not make her life difficult and complicated. Someone who wasn't broken and who had the courage to tell her how much he loved her.

Even if he had to sacrifice his own happiness, he would do it for her, so that she could be happy. And she _had_ looked so happy earlier when she had gotten engaged. And he had smiled and accepted it. He had accepted that April had moved on and was happy with another man because all he wanted in the world more than anything, was for April to be happy.

Because he loved her.

* * *

"No – No you don't mean that. _I know you_ Jackson and I know that you don't meant that."

April was doing everything that she could to keep herself from completely breaking down. Her head was spinning, her chest was heaving, her hands were shaking, and she felt like Jackson had just took her heart and ripped it right out of her chest.

She supposed she deserved this. I mean, she had it coming right? Everything that he had just said was absolutely right. When she had had him all she had done was treat him like crap, made him feel guilty for everything.

Then after they broke up, she had moved on with Matthew and even accepted his proposal. Not once had she ever told Jackson how much he really meant to her. How much she loved him. _But she didn't know_. She didn't know how, or even when, she had exactly fallen for him. She didn't know where all these _accidental feelings _had come from because she had never intended to fall in love with her best friend.

Then again, maybe she had always known about her feelings towards him, but she had chosen to ignore them and bury them deep down because she never, _in a million years_, thought that a guy like Jackson could ever feel that way about her. That her _super hot_ friend, who had a hell of a lot more experience in the sex department than she did and who could have _any_ girl he wanted, could ever love someone like _her_.

Plus the next thing she knew, just a few weeks after things had ended between them, he had already moved on with that intern. Granted that _she had_ technically been the one who had set them up, but still. She never would have imagined that they would actually end up sleeping together. So how was she supposed to think that he had _ever_ had serious feelings for her?

However, now after the explosion and after everything that had happened, when she really thought about it and had time to clear her head, she actually realized all of the times Jackson had actually been there for her after things had ended between them and all the little things he had said and done that had seemed so insignificant at the time, yet actually weren't and she thought maybe, just _maybe _by some crazy miracle, that he actually really _did _have feelings for her too.

And now she _finally _got the courage to pour her heart out to him. It had only taken him almost dying for her to confess to him how she really felt.

She mentally scoffed at herself.

Yeah she definitely did deserve this, but for some reason she still couldn't accept it.

"Please. Just let me show you that I've changed. I know we have a lot of things to work through but if you just –"

Jackson interrupted her for the third time, "April, please. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. I really don't feel like talking about this anymore. Just go back to your fiancé and have your big wedding. Pretend that none of this ever happened. Pretend that _we_ never happened. You're good at that, right? Just – Just please leave, ok".

* * *

It had taken every ounce of strength in him to get those cold, final words out. He hadn't even been able to look her straight in the eyes while he had said them, but he knew once he had looked back into those beautiful, watery hazel eyes of hers that he had done it. He had gotten what he wanted and pushed her far away from him.

One final sob escaped April's mouth and then she turned her back on him and walked out of his sight.

He just laid there on the hospital bed, wanting nothing more than to call out her name. Call her back to him. Tell her that he had a hundred reasons for her not to get married. Tell her that he hadn't meant any of the things that he had just said. It was all a lie. Tell her that he wanted her too, that he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. Tell her that he wanted nothing more than for her to stay, stay right here with him. Tell her that he loved so much that it hurt.

But it was too late.

She was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Don't worry guys, it can only get better from here... Or can it? You'll just have to keep tuning in to find out! **

**There's going to be 5 or 6 chapters, I haven't exactly made up my mind on that yet. I'll update the new chapters every two weeks. I want to space it out so that it can extend as much as possible through the hiatus until season 10 premiers. **

**Also, thank you so much for reading my very first story! I would love to hear your feedback. Please R&R! :)**


	2. Unrequited Love

**A/N: Wow! Thank you all so much for reading my first chapter and for all of the awesome reviews! I really enjoyed reading what all of you had to say.**

**And without further ado, here is the second chapter! I decided to update it a little earlier than I had previously anticipated since you guys liked the first chapter so much and were excited to read the next one.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 2 - Unrequited Love**

_~Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving~_

April still could not come to terms with everything that Jackson had said to her and just everything that had happened last night in general. She was exhausted physically and emotionally.

After the storm had cleared and she had left him, April had gone home and cried for hours on her bed until she had finally fallen asleep.

The phone rang early the next morning and awoke her from her fitful dreams. She looked at her alarm clock on her bedside table.

7:00 a.m. it read.

She had only gotten three hours of sleep.

"Hello?" she answered in a groggy voice.

"Kepner," a voice replied. It was Dr. Hunt. "I know your shift doesn't start until a few hours later and I know that you had a rough day yesterday, but I need you to come in early today," Owen told her in an urgent voice.

"Yes, of course sir. I'll be there as soon as I can." April immediately forced herself to wake up completely when she noticed how serious he sounded.

"Great, thank you Kepner," Owen replied.

She didn't miss the strain in his voice. Before he could hang up April asked, "Is everything all right, sir?"

"No. No, everything is not all right," Owen took a deep breath before continuing, "It's Dr. Webber. He suffered an accident last night and he's in a coma."

* * *

Jackson had the day off from work today. Actually, he had the whole week off.

He had been discharged from the hospital late last night and he had wanted to get back to work immediately this morning to keep himself busy and to keep his mind off of April, but Dr. Hunt had called him and ordered him to take the week off to recover from his minor injuries and sprained wrist. He told him that he should stay in bed and rest.

He scoffed.

The last thing he could do was rest, even if he wanted to.

He did not get absolutely _any_ sleep last night. Every time that he had tried to close his eyes all he could see was April. The look in her eyes when he had told her to pretend that they had never happened was burned into his mind.

He hadn't meant it. It had pained him so much to say those words, possibly more than it had pained her to hear them. He remembered how he had felt when he had thought that she had just wanted to forget that anything had ever happened between them when she had first arrived back from Moline. He had been hurt.

And yet he had thrown those exact words back at her knowing full well how much pain they would cause, especially after what she had just confessed to him. But it was the first thing that he could think of to make her stop talking and leave, because he knew that if he had let her continue to talk that he would have eventually caved in and told her exactly how he felt for her right then and there. And he couldn't have let that happen.

To make matters worse, Dr. Hunt had also told him that Dr. Webber had suffered an accident from an electric shock and he was currently in a coma.

He couldn't imagine what his mother must be going through right now. He had called her right after he had hung up the phone with Dr. Hunt. She had told him that she had taken an early flight to Seattle and that she was already at the hospital.

He was just about to leave his house to go visit Dr. Webber and to see how his mother was holding up, when there was a loud knock on his door.

"Coming!" he said.

He wondered who that could be. He wasn't expecting anyone and he didn't get many unexpected visitors, especially in the mornings.

He opened his door to find the person that he least expected to see standing there.

Stephanie had her arms crossed over her chest and she looked very upset.

Uh-oh, what had he done this time?

"Hey, what's wrong? Is everything ok?" he tentatively asked her.

She stormed past him and went into his apartment. "Is everything ok? Please tell me you're kidding!" she shouted at him.

"What? Wait, I didn't forget about another one of our dates again did I?" He scratched the back of his head. "Did we have plans last night or something?"

He was trying really hard to figure out what he had done for her to be mad at him this time, but he couldn't think of anything.

"Oh my God! No! We didn't have any plans, but apparently you would have forgotten yet again, even if we would have!"

"Ok, then what's the problem?" Jackson asked in an annoyed voice. Her yelling was already starting to give him a headache.

She gestured towards his bandaged left arm. "_That_ is the problem. You almost died last night and I'm the last one to hear about it! You didn't come looking for me before you left the hospital last night and you didn't even call to tell me what happened! I had to hear about it this morning from Jo, who heard it last night from one of the nurses!"

He still didn't get why she was so worked up about this. "Oh. Well, I'm sure the nurse exaggerated a bit. It wasn't that big of a deal. I'm fine, really."

He started to walk towards her and reach out to her, but she pushed his outstretched arm away.

"_Really_? Because judging by how _Dr. Kepner _reacted, it was a big deal," she said in a cold voice.

He stopped in his tracks.

Great. So that is what this was all about - stupid hospital gossip. Less than twelve hours had passed and the whole freaking hospital was already talking about everything that had went down during the storm last night. He was willing to bet that the scene in which April had freaked out on him must be going around like a hot potato.

Jackson took a deep breath. "Look, you know how much people like to talk. Whatever you heard – "

"Is there something going on between you two?" Stephanie briskly cut him off.

He was completely caught off guard. "What? N-No. I mean, well we did have this thing once, but –"

"Oh, you two had this _thing _once and you _just so happened_ to have forgotten to mention it to me!" she yelled at him.

"Why would have I had to mention it to you?" Jackson asked in a confused voice. "It happened before we got together."

She pointed an accusing finger at him. "This is why you've always been so distant with me! This is why you never open up to me! This is why you hardly ever call and why you stand me up! It's because of _her _isn't it?" she asked angrily.

"What? No! That doesn't have anything to do with –"

"Stop lying to me Jackson!"

"Steph, just let me –"

"Do you even love me? Even just a little bit?" she cut him off again as her voice lowered to a whisper.

He stared at her with his mouth slightly agape. He definitely had not expected this. He didn't know what to say – he didn't know what to say because he knew that if he opened his mouth to say anything - anything at all, it would not be the answer that she would want to hear.

"Ok then, answer me this. Are you still in love with _her_?" Stephanie asked with tears in her eyes.

He literally could not form words. How did they even get to this point? He had never wanted to hurt her. Stephanie was a nice girl and things with her were fun and easy, but that's all that they were. Just _fun_ and _easy_.

His relationship with her (if one could even call it that) was uncomplicated and it distracted him from reality. It temporarily made him forget about his complicated feelings for April. But it wasn't a solution and lately, not even sex could make him stop thinking about April.

He didn't have any serious feelings for Stephanie and he realized that he couldn't string her along anymore. He had to stop being so selfish.

Still, he couldn't answer her question. He couldn't say that he loved April out loud because then it would become too real and everything that he had done to push her away last night would have all been for nothing. But he couldn't just straight up lie about how he felt either.

Instead he said, "I'm sorry, Stephanie."

"Goodbye, Jackson," she said with a sigh. And with that, she turned on her heel and left him standing there alone in his apartment.

* * *

After April had hung up the phone, she had cried some more.

She couldn't believe all the horrible things that were happening.

First Jackson almost dies, then he breaks her heart, and now Dr. Webber is in a coma that he could possibly never wake up from.

The timing of these horrid events couldn't have been more inopportune. She was getting ready to re-take her boards in just a few days. How was she supposed to study and concentrate on that now?

Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, there was a soft knock on her door. She opened it to find an unexpected Matthew standing there with a brown paper bag in his hands.

"I brought you breakfast," he said as he held out the bag to her.

She took it and did the best that she could to force a smile on her face. "Thank you, Matthew. That's sweet of you."

She took him by the hand and led him into her small kitchen. She placed the bag on the dining table and sat in the chair.

"April, we need to talk," Matthew said in a serious voice as he took a seat in the chair next to her.

"Yeah, we do," she replied in a small voice.

An awkward silence followed.

They needed to talk and yet neither of them said anything.

April stared down at her raisin bagel. She wasn't really hungry to be honest.

Matthew was the first to speak. "Why didn't you come find me before you left last night? I was worried about you and I was waiting for you to go home. I looked everywhere for you until one of the nurses told me that you had already left."

After she had left Jackson last night, she had just gone straight home and she had completely forgotten that Matthew was still in the hospital waiting for her. She felt horrible.

"Matthew – " April began timidly.

He interrupted her, "And why did you run towards the bus? Why did you react that way last night with Dr. Avery after the explosion? If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that you were in love with him or something," Matthew said with a nervous laugh.

April stared at him, not knowing what to say.

She hadn't even known what she was going to say to him after last night. She had counted on having some time to think over her relationship with Matthew after everything that had happened, but Dr. Hunt had called her early this morning and then Matthew had just unexpectedly shown up at her apartment. So that didn't give her any time to think at all.

Still, she hadn't planned on breaking up with him. Yet, for some strange reason, she found that she couldn't continue this relationship with Matthew any longer.

All of a sudden, it hit her.

She realized that all this time, she had imagined Matthew as the perfect guy for her, but only in her head.

What were the odds that she would meet a guy who was just like her. He believed in the same things she did and he wanted to wait for marriage. He was kind and funny, generous and romantic, and he was the first and only man to ever love her for who she was.

He was perfect.

But her head does not coincide with her heart and she realized that all of those things don't matter.

Perfect doesn't matter. Perfect is not what would make her heart happy. Her heart wanted love and emotion, passion and lust, sparks and fireworks.

There was only one person who was able to bring out all of those feelings in her. And that person was not the one sitting beside her right now.

She knew what had to be done.

She exhaled deeply before saying, "Matthew this isn't going to work. We can't get married."

His eyes widened in shock. "What – Why? I rushed you. I knew it. I'll take it back. We can just go back to how we were before and take it slow," he rambled on before she had to step in and stop him.

"No Matthew, it still won't make any difference because – It's not you. It's – it's…" she stammered before trailing off.

April could count the number of relationships that she had been in on one hand and she had never broken up with a guy before. Much less broken off an engagement. She didn't know how to do this.

But she didn't have to say anything else because Matthew had apparently figured it out.

"It's ok April. I get it. I mean it's pretty obvious now and I can't believe that I didn't notice it before. I tried to just play it off earlier, but the way you reacted last night – _you really are in love with him aren't you_?"

_In love… with Jackson._

It just hit her again.

She had never been in love before and she had never said those words out loud to anyone.

Ever.

Not to Jackson, not to anyone.

She had told Jackson that she wanted him, but not that she was in love him because she hadn't been exactly ready to say those words out loud to him and she had thought that the timing would have been terribly off anyways.

Instead she had settled for telling him that she wanted him. Not exactly the same thing, but she had thought that it would still get the point across at the time.

Now, she was glad that she hadn't said those other words to him, even if she was completely in love with him. She only would've looked like an even bigger idiot.

And now, as Matthew sat here and directly asked her if she was in love with Jackson, she found that she still couldn't get those words out. First of all, she would just hurt Matthew even more than she had already hurt him by directly telling him that she was in love with another man. And secondly, it would pain her too much to say those words out loud after Jackson had told her to pretend that they had never happened.

_Yes, I am in love with Jackson._

No, she couldn't say those words out loud.

Instead she said, "I'm sorry Mathew. I should have never led you on like this. I was just _so confused _and to be honest, I never even realized how I really felt until last night. You're _such_ a great guy," she tried her best to smile at him, "you're perfect actually and any girl would be _so_ lucky to have you, but you deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them, and that person isn't me. I'm so sorry, Matthew."

She took her engagement ring off her finger and placed it carefully in his hand.

"You know, it's funny. I mentally prepared myself for this on my way here even though I hoped I was wrong. I came here knowing what to expect, but that doesn't make it hurt any less," Matthew quietly said with a frown.

Once again, April felt tears threaten to pour from her eyes. She imagined that he must be feeling right now what she had been feeling last night and she would never wish that feeling on anyone.

_Unrequited love_ sucked.

Matthew had been nothing but sweet and kind to her during their time together and the last thing that she wanted to do was hurt him, but she wasn't in love with him. She was in love with someone else and it would be completely unfair to everyone – him, her, Jackson – if she continued on with this marriage when they all knew full well how she really felt now.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered. She didn't know what else to say besides that she was sorry.

Matthew looked down at the ring in his hand. "No, don't be sorry. After all, you can't tell your heart who to fall in love with. If only it were that simple," he said with a sad smile.

Yes, if only it _were_ _that_ simple.

She hated that he was hurting, but she would hurt him even more if she kept stringing him along when they _both_ very well knew that she didn't love him. She did care for him very much, but she would never love him like he loved her because her heart was already taken. She was in love with another man, even though that man had made it perfectly clear that he was not in love with her.

"Goodbye April. I wish you all the best."

And with a quick kiss on her cheek, he stood up and walked out of her life forever.

* * *

After Matthew had left, April had immediately gotten into her car and drove to the hospital.

So many thoughts and emotions were racing through her head, but she had to shut them out. She had to focus. She was a surgeon before anything and right now the hospital had to be her main priority.

When she arrived, April quickly spotted Dr. Hunt's bright orange hair by the nurse's station.

She went up to him and said, "Good morning Dr. Hunt. What can I do to help?" She wanted to get straight to work and help in any way that she could.

"Morning Dr. Kepner. Thanks again for coming so early at such short notice," Owen replied in a tired voice. April couldn't help but notice how exhausted he looked and she wondered if he had even gone home last night.

She nodded. "Not a problem. Anything to help."

"Right. Well the storm is gone, but it left a big mess behind. I'm still trying to clean it up, so if you could be in charge of the ER for today, that would be a great help."

"I'm on it Chief!" April replied enthusiastically.

If there was one thing that could take her mind off of all the crazy things that were happening in her life right now, it was be the ER. She loved her job and she loved how she could just dive into all the hectic commotion that was always going around her.

As she started to turn away and walk towards the ER, Owen called out to her, "Wait, before you go, Dr. Webber is in room 342 if you want to stop by and visit him."

April's enthusiastic mood immediately dropped. She still couldn't believe what had happen to Dr. Webber. He was a great mentor and surgeon. He was always looking out for everyone at the hospital. She wasn't as close to him as some of the others, such as Meredith, were, but she still looked up to him and highly respected him.

"Yes thank you, sir. I'll go visit him right now before I get to work," she told him in a shaky voice.

* * *

Jackson had arrived at the hospital just a few minutes ago and was holding his mother as she cried onto his chest.

They were in Dr. Webber's room and he was not showing any signs of improvement. His mom was a wreck. He didn't know what to do to calm her down. So he just held her and rubbed her back while she cried.

Finally she stopped crying and regained her composure. She didn't say anything for a long time and he just sat there with her looking at Dr. Webber. Maybe if he looked at him long enough, he could somehow will him to wake up.

After a long moment of silence, his mother spoke. "I can't believe this happened to him. We had just found each other. He made me so happy. He made me feel young again," she took a deep shaky breath and exhaled. "You know, the last conversation I had with him was two days ago over the phone. We had argued because he had wanted me to move to Seattle permanently and move in with him, but I had told him that I couldn't just leave my work behind. I had started to reconsider his offer and was going to tell him that I changed my mind, but then –" she abruptly stopped speaking as she choked on her words.

He wished there was something he could do to ease his mother's anguish. He put his good arm over her shoulders. "It's going to be ok Mom. He's gonna wake up any minute now. You'll see." He wished that he could believe the words that he was saying.

"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better baby," his mom said with a sad smile.

She stroked his face.

"It's funny how we take love for granted, isn't it? One day you have it. The next day it's gone. Don't be a fool and make the same mistake your mother made Jackson. Don't ever take love for granted." Her hand dropped from his face as she began to cry again.

As his mother spoke to him about love, his mind couldn't help but wander to April. He wondered what she was doing. How she was feeling. He would give anything right now to just hear her voice.

There was a soft knock on the door and a few seconds later, the person that he had just been thinking about walked in through the door.

* * *

**A/N: There you have it! I know there wasn't any direct Jackson/April interaction in this chapter, but there will be plenty in the next one as you can tell by the way this chapter ended.**

**And yay! Jackson and April finally ended their respective relationships. I think that really needed to happen so that they could move forward. I just don't see how either of them could continue being with other people after April realized her true feelings and confessed them to Jackson.**

**Anyways, thank you for reading and I really enjoy reading all of your thoughts and comments so please R&R :)**


	3. Pretending

**A/N: Thank you for continuing to read my story and for all your wonderful reviews.**

**Here's chapter 3! This one turned out a little longer than I expected, but oh well, more is better right? **

**Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 3 - Pretending**

_~Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving~_

"Oh! I-I'm sorry I didn't think that there was anybody in here. I-I'll just come back later," April stammered.

She kept her eyes focused on the floor, but she could still feel the heat of Jackson's gaze on her.

She had known that she would have to eventually face him again. After all, they worked in the same hospital, but she hadn't planned on seeing him again _so soon_. She tried her best to hide any emotion from her face and to not meet his eyes.

"April," Catherine called out to her before she could turn away. "There's no need to leave. There's plenty of room here for all of us. Besides I was just going to go stretch my legs and get myself a cup of coffee. Why don't you stay here and keep my son company until I get back?" she asked April as she wiped away her tears.

"Um… okay." April smiled politely and nodded.

What else could she do? She wasn't about to say no to Dr. Avery who must be going through a really tough time at the moment.

She was just going to have to suck it up and get through it. She wasn't going to sulk and wallow in self-pity like she was sure he would expect her to.

No. She was stronger than that. She had poured out her heart to Jackson last night in a moment of sudden realization. But there was nothing she could do anymore. If he didn't reciprocate her feelings, then there was nothing left to do but move forward with her life. She would pretend that nothing had ever happened, just like Jackson had told her to.

"Good. I'll be right back honey." Dr. Avery kissed Jackson on the cheek as she rose up from her chair beside the hospital bed. She gave Dr. Webber a longing look and squeezed his hand one time before she walked towards April.

She surprised her by grabbing her and pulling her in for a hug. "It's good to see you again April. Thank you for stopping by and seeing Richard."

"Of course Dr. Avery. Dr. Webber has been a great mentor to all of us. I'm very sorry for what you're going through, but I'm sure he's going to wake up and get right back to work in no time," April said as she tried her best to sound positive.

Catherine pulled away from their embrace. "You sound just like Jackson, trying to cheer me up. Thank you April," the older woman said sincerely.

And with that she walked out the door and left her alone in the room with Jackson.

* * *

Ever since April had entered the room, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her. He took in the sight of her. She looked beautiful as always.

He, however, could not tell how she was feeling right now. Last night she had been so open and vulnerable with him, but now it was like she had built up a wall around herself and he noticed that she was doing everything she could to not meet his eyes.

Once his mom left, there was an awkward silence in the room. April was still standing next the door. She seemed a million miles away.

She finally walked into the room and broke the silence, "How is he?" she asked quietly.

She still wouldn't look at him though.

Instead she focused her eyes on Dr. Webber.

"Not good," he answered her truthfully. "His vitals are still low and there is no sign of him waking up anytime soon," he sighed deeply before continuing, "I'm trying to stay positive for my mom, but to be honest it doesn't look good."

April didn't say anything so he continued, "My mom's a wreck. I've never seen her break down like this before. Actually, I can't remember the last time I've seen her cry period. She's always been so strong. I'm trying my best to be there for her, but I wish there was something more I could do. I hate seeing her like this."

It always felt so natural to confide in April. Whenever he was having a bad day, or something was bothering him, or even if something great had happened to him, the first person he always went to was April. Over the last few years, she had become his sounding board. He could always talk to her about anything and everything and she would listen to him. Then she would tell him exactly what was on her mind. She didn't care about his prestigious Avery name or his good looks like all the other girls did. She was always honest with him even if it was something he didn't want to hear. She always kept him grounded. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

She shook her head. "She'll be okay and he'll get wake up. He _has_ to get wake up. He has to get better. We can't loose him too. Not after what happened – the plane crash. It's too soon." She was rambling and she had begun to cry.

Her walls finally came crashing down.

Just like she had always been his sounding board, he had always been her rock. He wanted nothing more than to reach out to her and wrap his arms around her. Hold her against him and tell her that everything was going to be ok. But he knew that he couldn't.

She quickly wiped away her tears and the walls were back up again. "I can't do this," she said as she took a deep breath, "I need to pull myself together. Dr. Hunt needs me to be strong and run the ER today."

After a few seconds of silence, Jackson spoke up. "We'll get through this. We always do," he said confidently. He wasn't even sure if he was talking about Dr. Webber anymore or something else entirely.

For the first time since she had entered the room, April looked directly into his eyes. She didn't say anything though and she quickly looked away. Then she moved to sit in the chair beside him.

* * *

She had mentally cursed at herself when she had begun to cry. That was the first thing she had told herself _not_ to do. She would not cry.

Not in front of Jackson.

Not after last night.

Not again.

But then, she had looked down at Dr. Webber's still form just lying there and she couldn't hold it in anymore. All of the walls that she had put up just a few minutes ago had come crashing down.

Why did this keep happening? How many more of them were going to have to die? First Charles and Reed, then Mark and Lexie, and possibly Dr. Webber now. Not to mention that Jackson had come close to joining that list last night.

So she had let the tears fall.

Emotions always got the best of her, but she hated crying in front of people. Everyone always had something to make fun of her about. She didn't need them to think that she was weak and over-emotional too. So she _usually, _with a few exceptions_,_ kept her tears bottled up inside her until she was alone and could let them out.

With Jackson though, it was different. She had never felt the need to hide her emotions from him for some reason and he never seemed to think any less of her for it. He would always comfort her and just let her cry while he held her.

Things were different now though and even if she still couldn't hold her tears back when she was around him, she knew that she couldn't count on him to comfort her this time.

Just as quickly as her walls had come down, she had quickly put them right back up. _No more_, she had told herself.

_No more crying_.

She was sitting beside him now, but she was careful to keep her body as far away from his as possible.

"How's your wrist doing?" she motioned towards his bandaged arm.

She was just going to stick to small talk.

"Better. I think it's fine actually, but Dr. Hunt ordered me to take the week off to recover."

"That's good. You should take it easy for a few days."

More silence.

"Stephanie and I broke up this morning," Jackson blurted out.

Her head shot up.

Okay, she had not seen that coming. Why was he telling her this?

The worst part was that she felt a sudden surge of happiness and hope. She knew she shouldn't though. It's not like this would make any difference. Regardless if Jackson was in a relationship or not, it's not like his feelings towards her would change all of a sudden. Plus she also felt horrible for being happy at the expense of Stephanie. She had nothing against the intern and she knew that she must be hurt and upset.

"I'm sorry?" she said in an unsure voice.

"Yeah. It seems like you and I are a hot topic now around the hospital after everything that went down last night."

April's eyes widened. "Oh God. Did she break up with you because of me?"

"No. Well kind of, but it wasn't you're fault. I told you before that things with her weren't serious, but apparently she didn't feel the same way. She asked me if I loved her and when I couldn't give her an answer, she left."

"Oh," was all she could think to say.

She wondered if she should tell him that things had also ended between her and Matthew as well. She hadn't told anyone yet, it had just happened a few hours ago. In the end she decided against it. Why would he care anyways?

Besides, he was sure to hear about it sooner or later. Gossip around Grey-Sloan Memorial spread like wildfire.

* * *

Jackson was glad that they were at least talking. After what had happened between them last night, he had thought that she would ignore him for at least a few weeks. He was glad that she wasn't though. He would rather have her as just a friend than to not have her in his life at all.

He had wanted to keep talking to her so badly that he had blurted out that he and Stephanie had broken up. He had kind of left out the part where she had asked him if he was in love with April. He didn't want things to get awkward again.

Yet, there still seemed to be something wrong. He knew April and he knew that everything was not ok. She was trying to pretend that everything was ok by talking to him just like they used to when they were friends, but he could tell that something was not right.

He had thought that she would be fine. That things would go back to normal. He had thought that she would maybe be awkward and embarrassed around him for the things she said last night because she would have realized that it had been a mistake and it really had been just the aftershock of almost loosing him talking.

But now, as he closely looked at her, he saw how exhausted she looked, like she hadn't gotten much sleep last night. He also noticed that there was still a lot of pain and sadness in her eyes leftover from the night before. And he didn't fail to notice that even though she was sitting next to him, she made sure to keep as much distance in between them as possible.

April changed the topic. "I'm going to San Francisco in two weeks to re-take my boards."

"Oh, that's right those are coming up again. You'll do great. I'm sure you'll pass this time around. Besides you won't have me around this time to distract you," he said jokingly, but he immediately realized what he had just said. He looked at April from the corner of his eye.

"I should go. I have to get back to ER," April said in a hurried voice, as she got up from her chair and made her way across the room.

Once he came back to his senses, Jackson quickly got up from his chair and reached April just as she exited through the door. He grabbed her wrist and spun her around to face him. "Wait, April. We need to talk." He didn't let go of her wrist just incase she decided to make a run for it.

"What do you want to talk about Jackson? There isn't anything to talk about," April briskly replied.

"About last night. I just want to know how you're feeling. How are you holding up after everything?"

"I'm fine, Jackson. Everything is fine. Like I said, there is _nothing_ to talk about."

He was starting to get irritated. Everything was not fine and she knew it. "No, everything is not fine. Stop acting like everything is fine! Don't pretend…" he trailed off when he realized exactly what he had been about to say.

April laughed bitterly. "What? What were you going to say? Don't _pretend _like nothing ever happened? I'm just doing what you asked me to do Jackson. You wanted me to pretend, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm _pretending._"

He couldn't hold it in any longer. He had to let his frustration out. "Look, you don't get to be angry at me! I'm the one who should be angry! You're the one who threw this bomb on me out of nowhere! How could you even ask me to give you a reason not to get married? That's not my decision to make. It's yours!"

He squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand across his face. When he opened them, he saw that she was on the verge of tears again.

He hated that he was making her cry so much lately. He had always been the one who brushed away her tears and now he had turned into the reason behind her tears. He absolutely _hated_ it.

"What do you want from me April?" he asked her in a defeated voice.

"You think I enjoy this?" April shot back at him, ignoring his question. "You think I enjoy making my life miserable and that I enjoyed hurting you? That I confessed my feelings to you because I want nothing more than to just confuse you? That I broke off my engagement with a great guy just for the heck of it?" she said exasperatedly as she threw her free hand in the air.

His eyebrows arose in surprise. "Wait – you did what?"

His eyes quickly glanced towards April's left hand. Sure enough, the big shiny ring was nowhere to be seen.

Why had she done that? He had specifically told her to go on with her wedding because he had thought that's what she really wanted. That's what would make her happy. But now, here she was telling him that she was not getting married anymore because she had called it off. She was doing the exact opposite of what he had thought that she would do.

Before either one of them could say anything else, they were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. Jackson looked over his shoulder and saw Alex coming towards them from the end of the hall.

"Hey, I came as soon as I heard. How's he holding up?" Alex asked as he approached them, completely oblivious to the tension in the air.

"Not good," Jackson and April replied in unison.

April looked down and noticed that he was still holding onto her wrist. She yanked it free from his grasp and took a few steps back.

"Let me know if there's any improvement. I'll see you guys later," April said as she hastily made her way past them.

So much for being friends again.

"Dude, Kepner looks pissed. Did you do something to piss her off or what?" Alex questioned.

"Don't ask," was all Jackson said.

* * *

Thank God Alex had shown up when he had. Who knows where their conversation would have led them if he hadn't interrupted them. She was _so_ angry at herself for blurting out to Jackson that she wasn't engaged anymore in a moment of frustration when she hadn't wanted to tell anyone yet, much less him.

Once she rounded the corner and the two men were out of sight, she opened the first door she could find and stumbled in, hoping that no one was in the room. She closed her eyes tight and leaned her back against the door. She needed a moment to collect herself.

"April? Are you okay?" a voice asked her.

She opened her eyes and saw that she wasn't alone. She had walked into Meredith's room.

"Oh. I'm sorry Meredith. I didn't mean to interrupt. You must still be tired and recovering from your pregnancy and surgery and all that. Oh, I'm really glad you're okay by the way and congratulations on the baby. I –"

"April," Meredith interrupted her, "you're rambling. Why don't you just take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong."

"No. Trust me. You don't want to hear about my problems. After what you just went through the last thing you need is for me to bore you with details of my crappy, miserable life," April told her with a humorless laugh.

Meredith motioned for her to sit in the chair next to her bed. "Sit. Please. I'm going nuts in here. I've been stuck in here since last night. They won't let me go visit Dr. Webber and they won't let me see my baby. They won't even let me get out of this bed. So please, I would really appreciate it if you kept me some company to keep me from going insane."

April let out a little laugh. She walked towards Meredith and sat down in the chair beside her bed. "All right. If you insist."

"Now, tell me what's wrong. Why are you crying?" Meredith asked.

April reached up to touch her face. Her fingers made contact with wet tears. She hadn't even realized that she had been crying.

She brought her hands down onto her lap and began fidgeting with her fingers. She exhaled deeply before beginning, "It's just – My whole life has been turned upside down. I thought that I knew what I wanted, but it turns out that I was completely wrong. It's like when you're at a bakery and you think that you want the big fancy, 10 layer red velvet cake with all the pretty decorations because you think it's going to be perfect and delicious and everything that you could ever want, but then you taste it and you realize that it's not really all that delicious as you had thought it would be and it's not really what you wanted at all. What you really wanted all this time was the familiar, small yellow cake with the simple white frosting, but someone already ate it all and it's all gone and there nothing left that you can do. And you can't even have the red velvet cake anymore because you threw it away. And…" she trailed off when she saw the look Meredith was giving her.

"First carnivals and now cakes. You have _really_ got to stop talking in metaphors." Meredith told her.

"Sorry. The point is that I broke off my engagement with Matthew today." she stated simply.

"Well that didn't last long, but I can't say that I'm surprised." Meredith said flatly.

April stopped fidgeting and looked up at Meredith. "Really? Why?"

Meredith gave her an incredulous look. "C'mon April. It's obvious that you and Jackson are meant for each other."

"No. You're wrong," April stated firmly. "I wish you were right, but last night I finally confessed my feelings to him and he made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with me."

"I highly doubt that. Men are stubborn. They let their big egos get in the way sometimes because they're scared of getting hurt or whatever, but you just have to be patient and persistent and not give up on them and they'll eventually come around." Meredith told her.

No, she wasn't just going to sit and wait around for Jackson to maybe come around. Plus it's not like one could force these things. If Jackson didn't love her then there was nothing that she could do. It had nothing to do with his ego. She was sure that if Jackson had any real feelings for her, then he would have said so last night when she had given him her all, but he hadn't.

There was nothing she could do now and she sure was not one to beg. She would never reduce herself to that. She had her pride. Besides, she had more important things to do with her life. Like becoming a Board Certified Surgeon. _That_ was her main priority right now.

"Thanks for the advice and for trying to make me feel better Meredith, but I should really get back to work now," April said as she got up off her chair and made her way towards the door.

"Trust me April. He'll come around. I'm speaking from experience." Meredith called out to her before she left.

April looked over her shoulder at Meredith and tried her best to smile before she walked out the door.

She wished she could believe that.

* * *

It was late. Jackson had stayed with his mother all day as he had tried his best to comfort her, until she had told him to go home and get some rest.

He did need some rest. The events from the previous night were finally starting to take a toll on his body. He felt exhausted and his wrist was starting to hurt a bit.

Just as he was making his way towards the hospital exit, he saw April standing alone by the nurses' station.

After she had left him without finishing their conversation, he had kept wondering why she had broken things off with the paramedic. Why, after everything that he had said to her last night to make sure that she didn't ruin her life because of him, she still had given up everything that he thought she had always wanted?

He wanted to finish their conversation from earlier and ask her now, but he didn't have the strength nor the courage to.

For a brief moment, he considered just walking by her without saying a single word, but he knew that he couldn't do that.

"Hey," he called out as he approached her cautiously.

April looked up from her chart and sighed. "Jackson, don't. It's been a long day and I really don't want to argue with you anymore."

"I know. I don't want to argue with you either. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. About earlier. About last night. About everything," he sighed, "I just – I wish there was something I could do to make things right between us again."

She looked back down at her chart and didn't say anything, so he waited a few seconds before he continued. "We're gonna be okay, right? I mean, we're still gonna be friends?" he asked with a hint of fear in his voice.

The thought of not having her in his life, even as just a friend, scared him more than he thought was possible.

" I-I don't know Jackson," her voice trembled as she spoke. "I don't know if we can just be friends. We already tried that before, but things are different now and – I don't know if that will be enough anymore."

Hearing her say that to him hurt. It hurt a lot.

It felt almost like déjà vu. He remembered another night like this one not so long ago when he had come up to April at the nurses' station. They had actually been standing in the exact same spots that they were standing in now. He had just told her that he was sleeping with Stephanie and he remembered how upset she had seemed. He had been afraid of losing her then too and he had told her that they could still be friends. Her response then had been that she was not ready to be his friend yet. And he had accepted it, hoping that they would find their way to become friends again. And they eventually had, sort of.

Her response this time was different though and it scared him a lot more. Hearing her say that she didn't know if they could be friends anymore shook him down to his core with fear.

"April you know that I-I care about you right," he had to catch himself from saying something else. "And the last thing I ever wanna do is hurt you."

He had to put his hands behind his back to keep himself from reaching out to her.

"Yeah, I know," she sighed deeply. "But you know how I feel about you now and those feelings aren't gonna go away anytime soon."

He had to ask, just to be sure. "So everything you said last night - you meant it? I mean, it wasn't just the aftershock talking?"

Her red curls fell over her face as she shook her head. "No, Jackson. I meant every word."

"Oh."

That's all he said. Just "oh".

He was an idiot.

Why couldn't he just tell her that he felt the same way for her too? Or better yet, why didn't he just grab her and kiss her?

Ever since that first night that they had slept together, he had not been able to control himself around her. They had tried to keep away from each other when she had first arrived back from Moline, but that hadn't lasted long at all. He hadn't been able to go too long without keeping his hands off of her. Then, when things had ended between them, he had to physically restrain himself every time he was around her to keep his hands to himself.

And now, as he stood here in front of her, he had to gather up all of his will power to not touch her, kiss her, and lift her up in his arms.

"I just – I need some time and some space. Please?" she pleaded him.

"Yeah of course, I understand." But he didn't understand, or at least he didn't want to. But if she needed time and space, then that was the least he could give her.

He mentally counted the seconds as they passed.

_One_

He was dreading the moment where he would have to turn around and leave her.

_Two_

He was scared that things would never be the same again.

_Three_

Why did he keep doing this?

_Four_

He could easily make things right.

_Five_

All he had to do was open his mouth and speak with his heart without letting fear get in the way.

_Six_

He opened his mouth. Nothing came out.

_Seven_

Seven seconds had passed. He tried to speak again. "Well listen, I know you must be stressed out over the boards coming up and you should have someone to help you out and stuff. So, if you change your mind I'll be around. You know where to find me."

That's not exactly what he had planned on saying, but the fear had taken over yet again.

She nodded and smiled slightly in response. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

Jackson turned around and with one last longing, backwards glance in her direction, he made his way out of the hospital with a sinking feeling inside his heart.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hmm Jackson slowly but surely seems to be coming to his senses. Wonder what will happen next...**

**As always, I would love to hear what you guys thought of the chapter and even what you think will happen next, so please R&R :)**


	4. Time and Space

**A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful feedback! You guys are awesome!**

**Okay, so this chapter gave me a harder time to write than the previous ones. I had so many ideas and scenarios in my head. I started out taking it in one direction, but changed my mind and went in another direction and this is the result. It's also the longest chapter so far, so there's that. In the end, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Hope you guys like it as well.**

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Time and Space**

_~I threw my hands in the air I said show me something~_

Four days.

Four days had gone by since his last conversation with April.

He was going crazy. Especially since Dr. Hunt had banned him from surgery and he still had two more days to go. The bandages had been removed from his arm and his hands were itching to hold a scalpel.

He still spent most of his time in the hospital though. Dr. Hunt hadn't said anything about not working at all. All Dr. Hunt had said was that he couldn't operate in the OR. So since he couldn't operate, then he just busied himself with administrative work. He buried himself in tower-high stacks of paper. Invoices, financial statements, and contracts were all he had seen for the past few days. It was boring as hell and he missed the OR, but it was better than sitting in his apartment doing nothing.

When he wasn't working in his office, then he was with his mother in Dr. Webber's room. He still hadn't awoken from his coma and his mother refused to leave his side. Jackson had asked her to come stay with him at his place, but she had refused. She was practically living in the hospital now. He was really worried about his mom, so he made sure to check on her often.

Then there was April.

They hadn't really talked since that night at the nurses' station when he had basically just walked away from her. He had lately begun to realize that he did a lot of that. Walking away.

He had seen her around in the hospital a couple of times. Actually, she seemed to be everywhere that he looked. But their encounters had been brief and they acted professional and civil towards each other. He was trying to give her _time and space_ like she had asked him to.

It was hard though. Whenever he saw her, his body immediately reacted and wanted to make its way towards her. He always had to stop himself.

The truth was that he missed her.

He missed her a lot.

He missed just being around her. He missed having someone he could confide in. He missed the sound of her voice, the way that her eyes lit up when she got excited about something, and the small dimples that formed in her cheeks whenever her soft lips curved into a smile.

And now he was thinking about her lips.

Great.

He needed a drink.

* * *

"Hello, Earth to Kepner. Anybody in there?" Cristina lightly tapped the top of April's head.

"Uh... what? I'm sorry, did you say something?" April asked distractedly.

April was in the attending's lounge. She didn't have anymore surgeries scheduled for today, so she was trying to get in some study time.

Cristina and Callie had just walked into the room, but she had barely noticed them. Her nose was buried deep inside her textbook.

"I asked if you were gonna eat the rest of your chips." Cristina said as she took a handful of April's potato chips and stuffed them in her mouth.

April still didn't look up from her book. "No. You can have them if you want," she nonchalantly replied.

Cristina swiftly swiped up the bag of chips from the table.

Callie threw herself on the couch. "You okay Kepner? You're looking kind of stressed out."

"I'm fine," she lied.

She was far from fine actually.

April was having a mental breakdown.

There was only one week left until the boards. In exactly one week, she would be inside a stuffy room in San Francisco again taking the most important exam of her life for the second time.

She was super stressed out. All of the worst possible scenarios were swarming through her head. What if she failed again? How could she ever show her face again? It was one thing to not pass the boards once, but twice? She didn't think that she could go through that again.

What would she do with her life? No hospital would want her working for them if she failed twice. Her career would be ruined. Her life would be ruined. She couldn't see herself doing anything else with her life and the thought of not operating ever again scared her immensely.

Cristina looked over April's shoulder as she loudly munched on her chips. "Ooh. You're freaking out over the boards, aren't you?"

"Maybe," she quickly replied. Why was Cristina talking to her? Couldn't she see that she was busy trying to study? With her crazy busy schedule, she didn't get much time to her self, so she had been taking even the slightest opportunities she could this week to sneak in some study time.

Cristina pointed a chip directly at April as she said, "Well I wouldn't worry too much if I were you, second time's a charm after all. Oh no wait, it's actually third time's a charm. Well, you're screwed. Better luck next year then."

Callie let out a laugh. "Sorry, you'll do fine Kepner. Really," she tried to sound supportive, but just ended up bursting in laughter again when Cristina made a noise of disbelief.

April had never understood Cristina's sense of humor. "Gee, thanks for the moral support guys. I _really_ appreciate it," she said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

"Anytime, Apes," Cristina said as she sat down in the chair beside April and propped her feet on the table.

"Ugh, I can't concentrate like this," April let out a frustrated sigh and began gathering up her books and notes.

"Oh c'mon, don't leave. Who am I gonna pick on now?" Cristina whined.

"I'm sure you'll find someone," she said as she made her way towards the door.

Cristina tilted her head in thought. "Hmm... Oh I know! Where's Mousy? She's always fun to mess with."

April rolled her eyes again. "I'm going home so that I can get some peace and quiet. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

She left the lounge with her books and notes in hand.

* * *

Jackson entered Joe's and immediately spotted Alex sitting alone at the bar.

"Hey man," he greeted Alex.

"Hey," Alex answered back.

"I'm surprised to see you here by yourself. Where's your better half?" he asked Alex with a smirk. Ever since Alex and Jo had hooked up, they've been attached at the hip.

"Jo had to stay working late. She'll be here soon though," Alex replied as he sipped his drink.

Jackson ordered a beer and took a seat next to Alex.

Alex took a quick sideways glance at Jackson. "You look like shit man."

Jackson let out a laugh. "Well thanks for the compliment, means a lot coming from you," he said in a sarcastic voice.

"I'm serious dude. And you've looked liked this ever since the storm. Don't think I haven't noticed you mopping around the hospital." Alex said accusingly.

Jackson stayed silent and drank his beer.

After a minute, Alex continued talking. "What's the deal with you and Kepner anyways?"

Jackson really didn't feel like talking about this right now, especially to Alex who always seemed to have a smart-ass remark for everything. "Nothing," he stated simply, hoping that Alex would just drop the subject.

No such luck.

"Well, it doesn't seem like nothing. The whole hospital knows what happened between you guys that night. Everyone knows that you and the intern broke up and that April dumped the paramedic dude. And yet you two are still not together? It just doesn't add up."

He wished Alex would shut up and mind his own business. He missed the old gloomy, single Alex. The Alex who would drink beers with him in silence, without the whole fifty questions.

But this new Alex, this lovestruck philosophical Alex, was starting to get on his last nerve.

"Well it's none of their business and it isn't your business either, so just drop it already," Jackson said in a low voice as he took another sip of his beer.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just trying to help you out dude. I was in your shoes not too long ago. You just need to step up. You love her. She loves you. Just screw each other already."

Alex always had such a way with words. At least that hadn't changed.

He scoffed. "She doesn't love me. She thinks that she wants me, but she deserves better than what I could ever give her. And what are you, the love expert now or something? Just because you've been in a relationship with a girl for a couple of days now doesn't give you the right to go and give relationship advice."

"Hey man, at least I'm not the one who's sitting at a bar alone and miserable. Don't take it out on me just because you don't have the balls to tell the girl you love that you love her."

Jackson felt his body tense up and his hands automatically clenched into fists. He really felt like punching Alex in the face right now, partially because deep down he knew Alex had a point and he hated it. He held back the urge and said instead, "You know what, I'm outta here before I do something that I'll regret."

Jackson threw a few bills on the counter and left the bar without saying another word.

* * *

After he arrived home from Joe's, Jackson crashed down onto his bed. He was exhausted so he tried to shut his eyes and will himself to sleep, but it was pointless. He tossed and turned, but he couldn't fall asleep and there was only one reason for his restlessness.

That reason was April.

He couldn't get her out of his head. He missed her and he wanted nothing more than to see her right now.

He looked down at the watch on his wrist. It was just a little over eleven. He knew that she would be home by now, but she wouldn't be asleep. The boards were so close now and he knew that she would be awake every night from now on, studying as much as she could. He pictured what a mess she must be right about now, freaking out over the boards. A small affectionate smile subconsciously spread across his lips.

He thought about just showing up on her doorstep. He knew that he shouldn't. She had asked for _time and space_ and he was trying to give it to her, but he just couldn't anymore. He had to see her.

He made up his mind.

He got up off his bed and grabbed a few things before heading out the door.

* * *

April was sitting on her living room floor. Books and papers were scattered everywhere. On the couch, on the coffee table, on the floor. There wasn't an inch of the room that was not covered with her study materials.

She was so tired, but she knew that she wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight, or any of the nights leading up to the boards for that matter. She wouldn't be able to relax until she took that damn exam and got it out the way. Actually, she wouldn't be able to relax until she got her results back and that could take up to two weeks after the exam.

She had been so wound up earlier that she hadn't even ate a proper dinner. She had just had a bowl of Corn Flakes. She was starting to regret that choice when she heard her stomach emit a low grumble.

Just as she got up to go get some food from the kitchen, she heard a knock on her door.

Who could that be? It was almost midnight.

Her door didn't have a peephole, so she hesitantly opened her door just an inch.

Confusion filled her face when she saw who her visitor was. She opened her door back all the way.

"Hey, I brought some books, flashcards, and pencils. Oh, and Chinese food too," Jackson said as he pulled off the backpack he was wearing on his back and rummaged through it.

"Jackson, what are you doing here?" April asked him in a confused voice.

"Well, since you didn't take up my offer of helping you study for your boards and since you've basically been avoiding me the last couple of days, I decided to come to you. Now, you've got no place to hide," he said with a smirk.

"I don't think this is a good idea. I told you I need –"

"Time and space," he finished her sentence. "Yeah, yeah. I know what you said, but frankly I don't care. You need someone to help you study and I miss my best friend, so," he shrugged his shoulders.

"Jackson –"

"I know you're freaking out about these boards," he said as he pointed a finger at her. "Admit it. They're only a week away and you're freaking out. You wouldn't be you if you weren't. I know you, April."

She let out a small sigh. "All right. Maybe I'm freaking out just a little bit."

Jackson cocked an eyebrow.

Damn it, he knew her too well.

"All right! All right! I'm freaking out a lot okay!" she said loudly as she threw her arms above her head.

Jackson let out a low chuckle. "So, are you just gonna let me stand out here or are you gonna invite me in?" he asked with a crooked smile.

She had never been able to resist his smile. She reluctantly stepped aside to let him through. "Come in, I guess."

As he walked past her, his shoulder brushed hers and she couldn't help but shudder. She hated that she was so weak to his touch. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice.

Jackson stepped into her living room and took in the mess before him. "Whoa, I have _never_ seen you this unorganized. You're always the tidy one, but this is worse than even me and Karev combined," he laughed.

She followed him into her living room. "Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. And stop joking around," she told him as she playful shoved his shoulder, "if you're gonna help me study then we have to get down to business. This is serious."

Jackson immediately wiped the smile off his face and tried his best to put on a serious face. "You're right. This is serious business," he nodded. "Okay, so where do we begin?"

* * *

After two long hours of studying, they were finally taking a break. They were sitting on the couch eating the Chinese noodles and dumplings he had brought.

April was having a hard time using her chopsticks. "Damn it, I can never get used to these things."

Jackson laughed under his breath. "Here, let me show you how a pro does it." He took his own chopsticks and easily scooped up some noodles from April's bowl. Then he lifted the chopsticks up to April's mouth, inviting her to eat them.

April stared into his eyes before she opened her mouth and consumed the noodles, but in the process she got some sauce on the side of her mouth. Jackson took his thumb and wiped it away, his hand lingering a little more than it should have. He slowly pulled his hand back and wiped his thumb clean.

They ate in content silence until April spoke. "This is nice. I mean, us hanging out like we used to before – before things got complicated. I missed this."

Jackson finished his noodles and set the bowl down on the coffee table before turning his whole body towards her. "Yeah, I missed this too."

After a moment of silence, he decided to change the topic. "So, have you thought about what you're gonna do after you pass your boards?"

April smiled and lowered her head. "You say that like you're so sure I'm gonna pass."

"You are," he stated confidently. "I know you are. I believe in you. You're easily one of the best surgeons I know even though you don't get enough credit. Besides, all the questions that I threw at you earlier, you answered them all correctly and with ease."

"That's because I'm here in my home and you were the one asking me the questions, not some stern looking lady who I know is silently judging me in her head and who ultimately holds the future of my career in her hands," she said anxiously.

Jackson thought for a moment. "Okay, then when you're there just close your eyes and look back to this day. When they're asking you all those questions just pretend that you're here at your apartment with me and that I'm the one asking you the questions."

"I'm not sure if that will work, but I'll try it."

"Promise?" he asked her.

"Promise," she smiled.

"So, you didn't answer my question."

"Which question?" she asked.

"I asked what you were gonna do after the boards? I mean, I know you're gonna get offers from other hospitals. Are you gonna stay here or have you considered going somewhere else?" Jackson asked as he tried his best to sound indifferent.

She thought for a second before answering. "I don't know. I haven't really thought that far ahead. Like I said, my main focus is on passing first. I guess it just depends on which offers I get," she paused before continuing, "Although New York would be nice. I mean, I know I'm getting way, _way_ ahead of myself here, but if I ever got offered a job at New York Presbyterian, I would take it in a heartbeat."

Jackson's face faltered. "New York? That's on the other side of the country."

"Yeah, I know. It would be a big change, but change is good sometimes."

His voice turned cold. "So you're just gonna pack you're bags and leave. Leave all you're problems behind," he scoffed, "typical."

"What do you mean "_typical_"?" she asked him.

He stood up from the couch. "I mean that when things get tough, you just pack up and leave! First you left to Moline and now you're gonna just leave again!" he accused her.

She followed his lead and got on her feet as well. "I was just speaking hypothetically! Besides I highly doubt that New York Presbyterian, one of the _highest_ ranked hospitals in the country, would even consider hiring me."

He stayed silent, so she continued. "I don't know what I'm gonna do or where I'm gonna go. And you sure are one to talk about leaving!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She sighed. "Nothing, just forget it."

"No, tell me," he insisted.

"Fine," she looked straight into his eyes. "You're the one who left. That night when I got my pregnancy results back. You just walked away and I still don't even know why. You didn't even give me a reason. I was even willing to go on the pill for you!"

"I left because you seemed so damn happy not to be pregnant!" he yelled.

"Is that such a bad thing?" she asked incredulously. "Is it so bad that I was relieved that I wasn't going to have an unplanned baby out of wedlock?"

"I told you that we could get married!"

"Yes, Jackson. You told me we could get married, but only because of the possibility that I was carrying your child. You were stepping up as a man and doing the right thing and I appreciated that, but that's not what I wanted. I didn't want you to marry me because you had to. I wanted you to marry me because..." she trailed off before dropping the subject. "You know what, just forget it. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't even understand why you're getting so worked up over this. Why do you care so much where I go anyways?"

"I don't," he automatically lied. "I don't care. You know what, just do whatever you want. Go to New York or wherever. Start a new life. Find a new best friend. Hey, who knows? Maybe after awhile you can jump into bed with him and then start blaming all your problems on him. Oh I know, maybe you can even lie to him and tell him that you're a virgin just like you did with your paramedic guy. Wait a second," he put a two fingers to his chin, "did you lie to me too about being a virgin? I mean, because now that I think about it, you really seemed to know what you were –"

She slapped him before he could get another word out.

He deserved it. He had gone way too far and he knew it. He had basically just called his best friend and the woman he loved a liar and a slut. Yeah, he had definitely deserved it, but it still hurt.

God, he was so stupid. This was just like the time he had called her a nut job, but ten times worse.

When she had told him that she was considering leaving Seattle, his heart had stopped. She was going to leave him just like everyone else in his life. He had been scared and hurt so he had done the only thing that he knew to protect himself, he had lashed out.

He knew that it was selfish on his part to want her to stay when he hadn't even given her a reason to. She had every right to leave him, it's not like he deserved her anyways. But he didn't want her to leave. Just the sole thought of possibly not ever seeing her again, made him feel terribly sick, but instead of telling her all that, he had lashed out in anger and hurt her.

Stupid.

Every time that he got scared or hurt, this is how he would react. This was his defense mechanism. He would put walls all around himself and the only emotion he would allow anyone to see was his anger. He would lash out and pretend that he didn't care. Either that, or he would just walk away. He was good at doing that too.

Now, as he looked at April with tears in her eyes, he wished he could turn back time and go back to when they were happily eating their noodles. In fact, he should have never came to her house at all. He should have respected her wishes when she had told him that she needed _time and space_. He was so selfish. He couldn't tell her how he really felt, yet he couldn't let her go either.

He didn't know what to do.

* * *

She still couldn't believe those harsh cold words Jackson had just said to her and she couldn't believe that she had slapped him either. How did they end up like this? How did they go from being best friends who respected and cared about each other, to two complete strangers who kept on hurting each other.

Neither one of them said anything for a while. They just stared at each other with looks of shock and hurt clear on their faces.

She tried to speak, but she couldn't form words.

Jackson was the first to speak up. "April, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispered.

He tried to reach out for her but she took two steps back to avoid his touch. His hands fell slowly to his sides.

She found her voice. "You know what, Jackson. I am so _sick_ of you making this all about me." April spat at him, as venom filled her voice. "I know that I messed up and I apologized countless times for everything that I have done to hurt you, but it takes two to tango Jackson and _damn it_ you've hurt me too you know!" She lowered her voice to a whisper, "More than once and you're doing it again, right now." Tears spilled from her eyes.

Jackson closed his eyes and grimaced. He looked like he was in extreme physical pain.

He opened his eyes. "You're right. You're absolutely right and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, it's the last thing I want to do, but lately it seems like it's all I've been doing," pain strained his voice. He sighed before continuing, "And I'm so sorry for the horrible _stupid_ things that I just said. I didn't mean them, I swear. I was just scared – scared at the possibility of you leaving and I just – I lashed out. It wasn't fair. I'm an idiot and I'm sorry. I'll keep apologizing everyday for the rest of my life if I have to. I know you have no reason to forgive me, but –"

"I forgive you," she interrupted him in a small voice.

The pain and regret was written all over his face and she could hear it in his voice as well. She knew that he was truly sorry and that he would do anything to take his words back if he could. She could see it in his eyes.

"You do?" he asked reluctantly with a hint of hope.

"Yes. We've both hurt each other Jackson and we both have things to be sorry for. So, yes I forgive you. Do you forgive me for slapping you?" She reached up and gently grazed the tip of her fingers to his left cheek on the spot where her palm had made contact with his skin. She could see the red mark. She hated herself for it.

"No," he said firmly as he reached up his hand and took a gentle hold of her wrist. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. I deserved it. You let me off the hook way too easy actually. I deserved much worse. I was a jerk. I'm sorry."

"I already told you that I forgive you."

"I know, but I don't. I don't forgive myself and I don't think I will anytime soon, so I'm gonna keep on saying it. I'm sorry."

She couldn't stand seeing him be so hard on himself. He had made a mistake, but Jackson was a nice guy. He was one of the good ones. Sure he was a jerk sometimes, but most of the time he was the nicest and sweetest guy she knew.

She slowly walked towards him and closed the gap in between them. She laid the side of her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his abdomen. She felt his hands tentatively reach up and close around her shoulders.

She didn't know how long they stood there like this. She lost track of time. Standing here in his arms felt so comforting. She could hear the sound of his heartbeat.

She felt safe. She felt at home.

* * *

Jackson breathed in the scent of her. He could stand here like this for hours, with her in his arms. Their bodies fit perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces. He had never felt so content with just holding a woman in his arms before. He didn't want to let her go.

Eventually, she slowly pulled away and looked up at him, a small smile playing on her lips.

He looked at her then, _really_ looked at her. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but a strand of her bangs swept against her forehead. Her hazel eyes intently looked back at him. Her cheeks had a hint of pink blush. Her pink lips were slightly curved into a smile.

Before he could stop them, the words came tumbling out his mouth, "You're so beautiful."

April stepped back away from his arms and let out a sigh. "Why did you just have to go and ruin the moment?"

"What? It's the truth."

"You can't just go saying those kind of things to me when you know how a feel. It isn't fair!"

"April – "

"Jackson, it's late. You should go."

He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here with her.

The next thing he did was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.

He placed one hand on her waist and another on the back her neck and guided her lips towards his.

He kissed her.

He kissed her tentatively at first, sweetly. Then he intensified their kiss and he kissed her passionately, like he desperately needed to feel her lips on his. He molded his mouth to hers. It felt like drinking water for the first after almost dying of thirst.

God, he missed this.

He almost had forgotten how good it felt kissing her. The last time that they had kissed was when he had basically proposed. Almost a whole year had passed since then. It seemed like forever ago. It had been way too long.

He had wanted to kiss her so many more times after that, like that night when she had told him that all she wanted to do was kiss him. He thought about just grabbing her right there and kissing her, but he had bit his lip and held back the urge because it wouldn't have been fair. Plus, he technically was seeing someone else and he might be many things, but he wasn't a cheater. He prided himself on that. He had never cheated on a girl before and he never would. He was a strictly monogamous man.

Although, there had been that one time that they had almost kissed, when she had been crying on his shoulder because she had just lost a patient and he had comforted her. They had been caught up in the moment and April had always had a strong effect on him. They had been so close, but Alex had interrupted them and after that, they had pretended that the almost kiss had never happened.

But now that they had both ended their respective relationships, he couldn't hold back the urge anymore. There didn't seem to be a reason for him to resist kissing her anymore. Being so close to her like this did things to him. Things he couldn't control.

So he had kissed her. He hadn't thought of what would happen after. He had only thought of the present and what he wanted.

And what he wanted was April.

* * *

April got caught up in his kiss. She had missed this so much. The way his lips moved together perfectly with hers. The way his hands grabbed at her skin. The way his touch made her melt into him.

A few seconds into their heated kiss, she came to her senses.

She shouldn't be doing this. She shouldn't be letting Jackson kiss her. She was supposed to be staying away from him, not kissing him. She needed to stop loving him and kissing him like this was not going to help that matter.

She tore her lips away from his and her small hands roughly pushed at his strong chest.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked him breathlessly.

"April, just let me –"

"No, Jackson! You can't do this! You can't just tell me to pretend that we never happened and then come into my house pretending you want to be friends again and just kiss me because you're horny and want to get laid!"

Now she was the one who had hurt him with her poor choice of words. The hurt was evident on his face. "Is that what you really think of me?" he asked in a hurtful voice. "April, I didn't kiss you because I wanna sleep with you."

"Really? Then, why? Why, after knowing full well how I feel about you and you having made it perfectly clear that you don't feel the same, why did you just kiss me?"

"Because – I-I kissed you because I – 'cause I –"

The loud ring of April's phone interrupted what he had just been about to say.

* * *

He could scream.

He had been so close to telling April exactly how he felt about her. That he felt the same way as she did for him. That he loved her.

But then that stupid phone had rung.

Maybe, it was a good thing. Maybe it was a sign that he shouldn't, that he should just keep his feelings locked away to himself like he has been doing all this time.

Jackson watched her intently as she talked on the phone.

April's mouth fell open. "What? No. No. No. No."

Silence.

Jackson's brow furrowed in confusion.

Who was she talking to?

"Oh my God. This is horrible."

More silence.

Jackson continued to look at her with a confused expression on his face.

What was going on?

"I understand. Thank you for calling to tell me, sir. Are you sure you don't want me to come over now?"

Even more silence.

Jackson was beginning to get restless.

"Okay. I'll be there first thing in the morning. Goodbye, sir."

April hung up the phone and was silent for a moment. She closed her eyes and a lone tear streaked down her cheek.

"Hey, April? What's wrong? Who was that?" Jackson asked worriedly as he gently wiped away her stray tear.

She focused her attention on the wall behind Jackson, "That was Dr. Hunt."

He still didn't understand. "Well, what's wrong? What did he say?"

April looked directly into Jackson's eyes and in an unsteady voice said,

"Dr. Webber is dead."

* * *

**A/N: Dun Dun Dun. **

**Oh, Jackson was so close. Maybe next time. At least they got a lot of stuff off of their chests. I think Jackson and April have a lot of pent up anger **** locked up and misunderstandings to clear and they just need to let it all out. They need to communicate with words and that's what they did a little bit of here.**

**So, I would really love to know what you guys thought of this chapter. Please R&R :)**


	5. The Exception

**A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing. Reading all of your comments makes me happy and keeps me motivated.**

**Now this chapter is a little ****different from the previous ones given that it is all mostly from Jackson's POV, but I think that it was necessary and you'll all see why as you read along. I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out and I hope you all enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 5 - The Exception**

_~All along it was a fever, a cold sweat hot headed believer~_

Jackson was sitting in his car with a wine bottle in his hand. He had parked his car on top of a hill and he was looking down at the funeral currently taking place below.

He supposed that he should be down there with the rest of them. That he should be by his mother's side comforting her as she cried. That he should be saying goodbye to Dr. Webber. But he couldn't.

He spotted his mother silently weeping on a woman's shoulder. His aunt Michelle had flown into Seattle when his mother had called her to tell her the terrible news. She had never met Dr. Webber personally, but his aunt and his mother had always been very close, so she had flown out here to comfort her through this horrible tragedy. If his aunt hadn't been here then he would be down there in her place with his arm wrapped around his mother's shoulders, he would have hated it, but he would have done it for his mother. However, since his aunt was here it gave him an excuse to watch the funeral from afar.

He hated funerals. Absolutely hated them. He had been to his fair share of them and he could barely stomach them. He hated when everyone cried just as the body was being buried and he _really_ hated how horrible he always felt because _everyone_ always cried except for him. And he _really, really_ hated how everyone always seemed to silently judge him for it. He knew what they would think. They would think that he shouldn't be there because he obviously didn't care enough if he wasn't crying. To be honest, he didn't see the point in crying.

Everyone always leaves anyways.

_The first one to leave him had been his little brother. When Jackson had been six years old, his mother had been pregnant with her second child. He remembered being so excited because he hated being an only child and now he would have a little brother to play with. He had even helped his parents pick out a name. Jackson, at the time, had been obsessed with Batman. He had all the comics and all the movies. So he suggested Bruce as a name for his little brother. He had been enthralled when his mother had told him that she really liked that name and that is what they were going to call his little brother. Bruce Avery. Then the big day had come, but it had come two months earlier than expected. He remembered everyone running to the car and rushing to the hospital. He remembered waiting for hours in the waiting room, bored out of his mind. He remembered falling asleep with his head on his dad's lap. He remembered waking up and seeing the doctor walk towards them. And he remembered the look on the doctor's face when he had told them the terrible news. Bruce had been born a stillborn. Jackson hadn't known what that meant at the time. His parents had tried to explain it to him. In the end, the only thing he had understood was that Bruce was gone and he wasn't going to be a big brother after all. They had never talked about Bruce after that night and his mother had never tried for another child again. _

He took a swing of his wine bottle.

_The second person to leave him had been his father. His dad had never been an overly expressive guy and he had never been a man of many words, but after what happened to Bruce, he became even more cold and distant than before. He never played catch with his son anymore, he had quit his job at the hospital, and he always had a drink in his hand after that. He barely even left his room. Then one day, he just left. He packed his bags and told Jackson that he was going on a vacation and he didn't know when he was coming back. Jackson was only seven years old at the time and he didn't understand why his dad was leaving him. So he did the only thing he could think of to make his dad stay, he cried. He remembered the last words that his father had said to him as he had cried and begged him not to leave. His father had told him to stop crying. He had told Jackson that he was embarrassing him and that only two types of people cried: girls and weak men. He had told him that he needed to grow up and be a man because he was going to have to be the man of the house now and he was going to have to take care of his mother. Then he turned around and walked out of his life. He had never, to this day, returned home from his "vacation". Jackson had never shed a tear after that day again. _

He took another drink.

_Next in line was John. After three years had gone by since his father had left, his mother had started seeing John. John was a great guy. He was a much better father figure to him than his dad had ever been. He took Jackson to the movies, he went to every one of his baseball games, he bought him presents for his birthday, and he even told Jackson that he loved him every night before tucking him into bed at night, something his own father had never done. Then one day, after five years of living with them, John had sat down with a teenage Jackson and told him that he loved him and his mother very much, but that sometimes love just wasn't enough. He told him that he and his mom were separating and he was going to move out. Jackson had noticed that they had been arguing a lot more than usual lately, but he hadn't expect John to leave him too, just like his father had. He remembered how angry he had been and how he had punched John right in the face as he told him that he never wanted to see him again. He left his house right after that and spent the next two days at a friend's house. When he came back home, all of John's things were gone and he never saw him again._

The wine burned his throat as it made its way down.

_Charles and Reed were next. He remembered how lost he had felt on his first day of his surgical internship. He used to be a football jock in high school and college. He was used to being popular. He was used to guys always asking him for advice and girls practically begging for his attention. But now, he was in a whole completely different field. He felt judged by the way people looked at him. He knew what they were thinking. They were thinking that he was just another pretty face and that he didn't deserve to be here with the rest of them and that the only reason that he had gotten this far into the medical field was because he was Harper Avery's grandson. That's when he had made it his mission to prove everyone wrong. He was going to work hard and show them that he was more than just a pretty face whose last name just so happened to be Avery. A few days later he had met Charles and they had instantly become best buds. He didn't judge him like everyone else. Then Charles had introduced him to his friend, Reed and Reed had introduced him to her friend, April. From that moment on the four of them had stuck together. They had made it through their internships and they had gone onto their residencies together. Then Mercy West joined forces with Seattle Grace and it was like the first day of his internship all over again. He felt like a fish out of water the way the Seattle Grace residents looked at him, judged him. This time though he had his three friends by his side and they stuck together. They stuck together all the way until that awful day of the shooting. The day that his two friends had been murdered in cold blood. _

He didn't feel the burn anymore as the alcohol slid down his throat.

_Then there had been Mark and Lexie. His relationship with Lexie had been complicated. There had been a time when he had thought that he was in love with her, but he had eventually realized that he had been more in love with the idea of her than anything else. Either way, it had still hurt him deeply when he had found out that she was gone. And Mark. His mentor, his partner in crime, his friend. Mark had taken Jackson under his wing and taught him many things in the short while that he had known the man. Not only did he teach him lessons in how to become a better surgeon, but also on how to become a better person. Mark had had a huge heart and he had always told Jackson that the patients were what mattered the most. Then he got in that damn plane crash which put him in a coma. Jackson had sworn that he was gone forever, but he had awoken and Jackson had thought it was a miracle. That maybe this was the one person that God wasn't going to take away from him. He should of known that it was too good to be true. _

Jackson tilted the bottle up again to his mouth, but nothing came out. He had drank all the wine.

And now finally, there was Dr. Webber. He wasn't going to sit here and say that he had been extremely close with the older man or anything, but he had highly respected him and he had also been a great mentor to Jackson throughout his time in Grey-Sloan Memorial. It's true that he hadn't been particularly fond of the idea of his mother and Dr. Webber seeing each other at first, but he was just trying to look out for his mother. He didn't want to see her heartbroken again over a man. Eventually though, he had gotten over it and had learned to accept it once he saw how happy Dr. Webber made her. He hadn't seen her that happy in a very long time. But now, Dr. Webber was gone and he had left his mother a broken mess.

How many people were those? He mentally counted in his head.

Eight.

Eight people had left him now. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it didn't matter. It still hurt the same.

He wondered who would be the ninth.

As he came back to reality, he realized that the funeral was over. He watched as the people below him said their final goodbyes to Dr. Webber. He saw their mouths silently move and their hands go up to their faces to wipe the tears away.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there in his car lost in thought just watching everyone go through the motions, but he came back to his senses when he heard someone tap on the passenger window of his car. He looked to his right and saw Meredith bent down looking at him through the glass. He didn't really feel like talking, but he unlocked the door anyway.

Meredith opened the car door and sat in the passenger's side. "You missed the funeral," she stated simply. He could tell that she had been crying from the raspiness in her voice.

"No I didn't. I was watching," he replied softly.

"How long have you been sitting up here?" she asked him curiously.

Jackson closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He hadn't been getting much sleep the past couple of nights, actually more like the last couple of weeks ever since that damn storm, and he could really use a nap right now. "Don't know."

"What's going on Jackson? Is this about April?" Meredith asked.

April.

After she had told him that Dr. Webber was gone that night at her apartment, he had left her to check on his mother, but only after he had asked her twice if she would be okay. She had insisted that she would be fine, so he had left.

A week had passed since then and they had not mentioned the kiss, or anything that had happened between them that night for that matter, again. With all of the sadness and tragedy going on around them, it wouldn't have seemed appropriate anyways.

April wasn't at the funeral today. Early this morning he had taken her to the airport to board her flight to San Francisco. The boards were tomorrow and she couldn't miss them.

He had tried to reason to get the funeral date pushed back for April so that she could attend, but it was no use. Dr. Webber's only living family member, his younger brother, was a very busy lawyer and he could only be in town for today. So the day for the funeral was set in stone and there was nothing he could do about it.

April hadn't wanted to leave. She had wanted to stay for Dr. Webber's funeral. She had said that she could just wait one more year to take her boards again. But Jackson had told her that she had to go. He knew how much becoming a board-certified surgeon meant to her and he had told her that Dr. Webber would have wanted her to go anyways. Besides, she had attended the viewing yesterday to say her peace and that was good enough. So, she had reluctantly boarded her plane, but only after she had made him promise that he would call her right after the funeral and tell her everything that had happened.

"No, it isn't about April," Jackson said in a tired voice as he opened his eyes.

"Then what? Why didn't you go down there with the rest of us?" Meredith questioned.

He let out a frustrated sigh. "Because it's pointless! Funerals suck and everyone always leaves anyways!"

Meredith stayed silent for a moment. "I know what you're going through Jackson."

He scoffed. "No, you really don't."

"_Yes_ I do. Incase you have forgotten I've lost people too. My father was never a part of my life growing up. I lost my sister in that plane crash. And now Dr. Webber. He was the closest thing I ever had to a father figure. So yes _Jackson_, I think I have a pretty good feeling of what you're going through. You're not the only one who's lost people close to you. Everyone loses people. That's life."

"You're right. I'm sorry," he sighed as he looked straight ahead. His mother was knelt down by Dr. Webber's tombstone.

Meredith shrugged off his apology. "Don't be. You know, you remind me of myself when I was younger."

He turned his head to look at her. "I do? How so?" Jackson curiously asked.

"There was a time when I had the same mentality as you and viewed the world as a sad, lonely place. A time when I pushed everyone away and I wouldn't let anyone in because I was scared, but I learned that I couldn't keep living that way. People are going to die Jackson and there are always going to be people who are going to leave and disappoint you, that's life. But the people who are always there for you when you need them, the people who listen to you and try to cheer you up and love you for who you are scars and all, those are the people that are worth it. Those are the people that are worth the fight and the pain. Those are the people that you have to let in because if you don't, then you'll never be happy."

As he listened to Meredith as she spoke, Jackson realized something.

April was _the exception_. She had never left him. Despite the fact that he had accused her of doing so when she had left to Moline, but that had been partially his fault anyways. He hadn't given her a reason to stay and she had thought that he was leaving to Tulane anyways and she hadn't known that Sloan had just died, but he had been hurt at the time and he had overlooked that. So he had taken the easy way out and accused her all this time instead of rationalizing. That's why he had never called her, because he had thought that she had left him just like everyone else.

In reality, April had always been there for him when he had needed her. She had been with him through their internships, their residencies, through the shooting and the loss of their friends, through bad breakups, through the boards. She had been there and she had listen to him go on and on about his mother, his insecurities, his relationship problems, his good and bad surgeries, you name it and not once had she turned her back on him. In fact, _he_ had been the one who had turned his back on her. Twice.

The first time was when she had gotten her pregnancy results back. It's true that he had been hurt because she had seemed so relieved, but she had told him that they could keep on dating. That she would go on the pill for _him_. He had been the one who had ended things between them because he had been scared. Scared that she would eventually leave him like everyone else in his life.

Then the second time was the night of the storm. The night that she had confessed her feelings for him. And what had he done? He had pushed her away once again because he was scared. Scared that she would leave him, scared that she would hurt him again, and scared that he wasn't good enough for her.

He realized that he had to stop being so damn scared all the time. What Meredith was saying was true. He had to stop pushing the people who were worth it away.

And April was worth it. She was worth everything.

He started the engine. "Meredith, get out."

Meredith squinted her eyes at him. "Look I know you're going through a tough time, but that doesn't give you the right to be mean. I'm just trying to help you out here."

Jackson shook his head. "I'm not trying to be mean. I just – I have to get to San Francisco."

"Why do you need to go to –" Meredith's eyes widened when she realized why he had to go to San Francisco. "Oh, I see," she said with a sly smile.

Meredith looked down at the wine bottle in his lap. "Wait, Jackson. You've been drinking. I'll drive."

"Oh, right. Are you sure? You're not busy or anything? I could ask Karev or somebody else to drive me."

"No, I'll drive you," she said.

Jackson nodded. "Okay," he said as he stepped out of his car. "Wait before we go, I need to talk to my mom."

"All right. I'll go tell Derrick where I'm going and say goodbye to my babies," she squeezed Jackson's arm supportively as she walked by. "I'll meet you back at your car."

He walked over to where his mom was. She was still knelt down by the tombstone. She hadn't moved an inch. He saw his aunt Michelle off to the side. He guessed his mother had asked for some privacy.

He approached his aunt with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Hey Aunt Michelle. Can you give me some time alone with my mom please?"

"Of course honey. I'll be waiting in my car if you need me," she told him as she gave him a quick hug.

Jackson walked up to his mother and crouched down beside her. She didn't acknowledge him so he said, "I'm sorry that I didn't come down. I should have been here with you," he said as he stared at Dr. Webber's tombstone.

His mom shook her head. "Don't be sorry baby. I know how much you hate funerals."

Jackson stayed silent for a moment before speaking again. "Mom, it's going to be okay. I know it's hard, but you're strong. You're the strongest woman I know. You did practically raise me on your own and I know that must have been hard as hell. I wasn't the easiest kid to deal with, but you did it. And I didn't turn out too bad, did I?" Jackson asked, trying to lighten the mood.

His mother turned her face towards him and smiled through her tears. "No. No you didn't. You've grown into a fine young man Jackson and I am very proud of you," she said lovingly as she reached up to touch his cheek.

Jackson extended his arm and wrapped it around his mom's shoulders. "You _are_ going to be fine though. I mean that."

"I know. I know I am, eventually. I just have to get through it like everything else, but I'll be fine. Now, I know that you have something important to tell me. What is it?" she questioned.

"How do you know I have something important to tell you?"

"Jackson please, I'm your mother. Now tell me. What is it?" she asked him as she rose up to her feet.

Jackson followed her lead. "I have to go to San Francisco."

"Oh. When are you leaving?"

"Now."

His mother looked confused. "I don't understand. Why do you need to go now? What's in San Francisco?"

"April. I –"

His mother interrupted him. "Ah. Say no more. I understand."

"You do?" Jackson scrunched up his brow in confusion.

She gave him a knowing smile. "You know, Richard told me he had a feeling there was something going on between you two, but I didn't believe him. I told him that you two were just close friends that's all, purely platonic. But then, when I arrived to Seattle last week I started noticing little things. Like when April came into Richard's room that one day and she couldn't even look at you. She kept stammering and you didn't say a word, you just stared at her. You could cut the tension with a knife. Besides just as I was coming back with my coffee, I heard your little exchange with her outside of the room. I heard you two practically shouting and I didn't want to interrupt, so I hid behind the corner until she left. It was then that I knew Richard's suspicions had been true," she smiled, "he had always been such a smart man."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jackson asked. "About me and April?"

"It wasn't my place. Besides, I'm trying not to meddle remember?"

"Well, I kind of wish you would have," he said glumly, "I screwed everything up Mom. I pushed her away and now I'm scared that I'm too late," he admitted with fear in his voice.

"It's never too late Jackson. I saw the way you two look at each other, and I'm honestly shocked that I didn't see it sooner. You and April are meant to be together. Now go get her."

He smiled appreciatively. "Okay. Thanks Mom," he hugged her. As he pulled away he said, "Wait, are you sure you're gonna be okay? I could stay and just wait for April to get back."

"Go," his mother insisted in a stern voice. "Remember what I said about not taking love for granted. You deserve to be happy Jackson. Now go. Go find April and tell her exactly how you feel. Don't hold anything back. Trust me," she pushed Jackson in the direction of his car.

Jackson laughed. "Okay Mom I'm going." He gave her one last kiss on the cheek. "Aunt Michelle is waiting for you in her car. I'll be back soon. Call me if you need anything."

Before he left Jackson took one last look at Dr. Webber's tombstone. "Goodbye Dr. Webber. You were a good mentor, a good surgeon, and a good man. You made my mom happy, even if just for a little while. Rest in peace."

His mother looked at him with a sad smile. She said her final goodbyes as well and then she looped her arm through his and they walked away.

After Jackson had walked his mom to his aunt's car, he made his way to his own car. As he approached it, he saw that Meredith was already waiting for him in the driver's seat. "Sorry I took so long," he said as he opened the car door and got in the passenger's seat.

"Don't worry about it. You ready?" Meredith asked with a smile.

Jackson smiled. "I'm ready. Let's go."

As Meredith drove, Jackson remembered that he had promised April he would call her once the funeral was over.

He took out his cell phone and dialed her number.

* * *

April dropped her suitcase on the floor and collapsed on the hotel bed.

She had just arrived at her hotel in San Francisco. She was exhausted from the flight, nervous about her boards tomorrow, and sad that she had had to miss Dr. Webber's funeral.

She looked at her cell phone in her hand and checked it for the umpteenth time. Why hadn't Jackson called her yet? He had promised to do so as soon as the funeral had finished and according to her watch, it should have been finished almost an hour ago.

Just as she was drifting off into a nap, she heard her phone ring and jumped up to answer it.

"Hello," April answered.

"Hey, it's me," Jackson replied.

Just hearing his voice was enough to calm her down.

"Hi. Thanks for calling. How was the funeral?" she immediately asked,

"It sucked, but all funerals suck. I was a coward and watched from my car." Jackson timidly confessed.

"Everyone has their own way of coping Jackson. That doesn't make you a coward," she reassured him.

"Maybe," was all he said.

"How's your mom? She holding up okay?" she asked with worry in her voice.

"As good as can be expected under the circumstances, but she'll get through it she just needs some time."

"Yeah, your mom is a strong woman. She'll be fine. And you'll be fine too."

"Thanks," he said gratefully. "It's always nice to have some reassurance every once in awhile."

"You're welcome." April stared up at the ceiling. "I wish I could've been there."

"I know, I wish you could've been here too," he said quietly.

After a few seconds of comfortable silence he questioned, "How was your flight? Did you make it to the hotel okay?"

"Yeah, it was good. The hotel is the same one we stayed in last time, so it was easy to find," she replied.

"Oh that's good. Well listen I gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon okay."

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow to let you know how my boards went. Wish me luck."

"Good luck, April. Even though you won't need it."

She laughed softly. "Thanks. Talk to you later. Bye."

She hung up the phone and fell asleep with a smile still on her face.

* * *

"Bye." Jackson smiled softly and waited until he heard her hang up before he put his phone back in his pocket. Just like always, talking to April made him feel better.

So she was staying in the same hotel that they had stayed at the last time. Well, that was good to know and it made things a lot easier. He hadn't told her that he was actually on his way to the airport right now to buy a plane ticket to San Francisco to see her because he wanted it to be a surprise. He only hoped that it would be a good surprise.

Jackson looked over at Meredith and saw that she had a small smirk on her face. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"I do enjoy a good love story," she told him.

They were silent the rest of the way to the airport. Jackson got lost in his thoughts.

As they drove, all he could think about was Mark Sloan's last words to him.

After he had died, Jackson had repeated the speech Sloan had given him about love over and over in his head until he had memorized it by heart. It was the last piece of advice his mentor had given him and he had wanted to internalize it in his memory. He had also wanted to remember it in case he stopped being such a coward one day. Now that day had finally come. He was ready to take Sloan's advice, he only hoped that he wasn't too late.

He replayed Sloan's speech over in his head one last time,

_"If you love someone, you tell 'em. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it'll burn you're life to the ground, you say it and you say it loud. And then you go from there."_

* * *

**A/N: Yay! Jackson is going to San Francisco to finally tell April how he really feels! **

**I felt that this chapter needed to be mostly told from Jackson's POV because we needed to see the reason why he is so closed off in the first place and the reason why he has been so scared to admit his feelings for April. We also needed to see him coming to a realization. **

**Ever since it was introduced in the show that his dad had left Jackson and his mom at a young age, I had always imagined Jackson having abandonment issues based on that and that is why he is so closed off. I think that's the reason why he doesn't open up as much and why we have never seen him cry. So, I kinda played off of that and this is what I came up with. **

**I hoped that you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I would really love to know what you all thought about this chapter. Please R&R. =]**


	6. Back in San Francisco

**A/N: Thank you all for your continued support on this story. **

**So here it is! The long awaited confession. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope that it lives up to your expectations. **

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Back in San Francisco**

_~Something in the way you move, makes me feel like I can't live without you~_

Jackson walked out of the plane with nothing in his hands. He felt weird walking through the airport without any luggage in his hands. But he hadn't had anytime to stop at his apartment to pack anything, besides he didn't plan on staying for too long. Meredith had driven him straight to the airport and had told him that she would take his car and pick him up when he got back. She had even told him that she would cover for him at the hospital until he returned. He wondered why she was being so nice to him and helping him. Sure they were friends, but it's not like they were super close or anything. He would have to remember to return the favor.

Once he had arrived at the airport, he had gone straight to the ticket counter and waited in line as he had silently prayed that there would still be available plane tickets to San Francisco within the next few hours. Fortunately, there had been a few empty seats on the San Francisco flight that left at 4:00 p.m. He had impatiently waited for an hour and a half as the minutes had slowly dragged on.

He was so nervous. In fact, he couldn't recall a time when he had ever been so nervous in his life. His right knee kept bouncing up and down and he kept rubbing his hands together. The palms of his hands were slippery with sweat. He didn't know what April's reaction would be, if he would be too late. He planned on laying his heart out on the table and that is something that he had never done before.

Now, he was in San Francisco and there was no turning back. It was kind of ironic actually to think that he had come all the way over here to tell April how he really felt considering that this was the place where it had all started. They were _back in San Francisco_, back at the start. This is where they had had a lot of their firsts. Their first kiss, their first time sleeping together, the first time he had seen her in _that_ way, and the first time he had started to realize that he had feelings for his best friend. It had all happened here, and now he was back to hopefully add a little more to their firsts list. Talk about coming full circle.

Jackson raised his hand and signaled for a taxi. He got in and told the taxi driver the address of the hotel.

He leaned his head back into the car seat and let out a slow breath. The moment of truth was just a few minutes away.

There was _definitely_ no turning back now.

* * *

April arose from her nap and looked over at the clock on the bedside table. 7:00 p.m. it read. She suddenly jerked up from her laying position. She couldn't believe that she had slept for so long. She must have been more exhausted than she had thought. All of those hours sleeping could have been put to some last minute studying. She immediately took out her books and laid them on the bed.

Just over an hour had gone by, when she heard a knock on her door. That was weird. Room service had already stopped by earlier, so who could that be?

Her jaw dropped when she opened the door and saw the person that she least expected standing in the doorway. Jackson had his hands clasped behind his back and a very weird look on his face. He looked determined, but also like he was on the verge of throwing up right then and there.

"J-Jackson what are you doing here? Did something happen?" she asked anxiously, assuming the worst. She searched his eyes in hope of an answer, but she couldn't find anything. Something bad must have happened for him to have flown all the way to San Francisco to talk to her, when he could have just as easily picked up the phone and called her. "Is it your mom? Is she o –"

"No," Jackson interrupted her from her ramblings. "My mom is fine. I just needed to talk to you face to face. Can I come in please?"

April silently stepped backed from the door granting him access to enter the room. She still didn't understand. "What could be so important that you couldn't just call me or wait for me to get back to Seattle?" she asked in a confused voice as he walked in and began pacing back and forth. That was not a good sign. There were only two times when Jackson paced, and that was either when he was upset or when he was nervous. "What's going on?"

He suddenly stopped pacing and looked directly at her. He put his hands in his pockets and said, "This is where we first kissed, remember? Right here, in this exact hotel. Or, I guess I should say where you first kissed me," he laughed nervously.

Okay, now she was really confused. "Yes, of course I remember. But what does that have to do with anything? Why are you _here,_ Jackson?" she asked in a firm voice.

He sighed. "Okay, I guess I should just get to the point. I don't really know how to say this. I mean, I don't have like this big huge speech planned out or anything, so I guess I'm just gonna say it." He looked up to the ceiling and took a deep breath before looking back directly into her eyes. "I love you, April."

Her mouth literally dropped to the floor. No, this couldn't be happening right now. She must have misunderstood him. "You – You love me? You mean you love me like a friend, right? If that's why you came all the way down here Jackson, then you wasted your time because I think I already know that. You made it perfectly clear that you don't consider me as more than a friend and I don't need you to spell it out for me. I –"

"_No_, April. When I say I love you I mean _I love you. _As in I'm crazy about you, I think about you all the time, I want to get married and have kids with you one day, I want to spend every minute of every day with you for the rest of my life kind of love. I'm _in love_ with you."

April stared at him in absolute shock. Then the shock turned into anger. How was this possible? How was it possible that he was in love with her when she had thought all this time that he didn't feel that way about her? When he had specifically told her to forget about them and didn't give her a reason for her to be with him when she had asked. She felt like screaming at him, but instead she stayed silent.

She had no idea what to say.

* * *

Jackson stood with his hands at his sides looking intently at the woman standing just a few feet in front of him. He had just confessed his love to April and although he still felt nervous waiting for her to respond, he mostly felt free and liberated. If he had known that it would have felt this good, then he would have told her the truth months ago.

He had no idea where all that had come from. It's not like he had planned on saying all of those things, but the words had just easily poured out of his mouth. He guessed there was no holding back now.

"April, say something. Please?" he begged. It's funny how the roles were reversed now. Just of few weeks ago she had been standing in front of him, begging him to say something after she had poured her heart out to him. And now, it was him who was standing in front of her begging her to respond to his confession.

April shook her head slowly and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed. "How – I-I mean why? Why now? You said – Y-You made me think – I thought –" she stopped when she realized that she wasn't going to get one coherent sentence out of her mouth.

He followed her lead and sat on the bed next to her. "I know that I made you think that I didn't feel the same way about you, but I lied. I do feel the same, I always have."

April shook her head once again not able to understand. She found her voice, "Why would you do that? Why would you lie to me, especially about something like that?" she asked him accusingly. "We were best friends. We were supposed to be honest with each other and tell each other the truth. How did we get like this? When did it all change?"

Were? He didn't like that she was referring to them in past tense. "April, you never stopped being my best friend, at least to me. Even after everything that's happened between us, you're still the person I care about more than anything and anyone. I know I shouldn't have lied. I'm sorry," he tentatively reached out his hands and placed it over hers.

"Then why did you? I need an explanation. I need to know _why_, Jackson."

Why.

Jackson never was good at voicing his thoughts and feelings out loud. Did they really have to go into details and explanations? Couldn't it just be enough that he was here and that he had just told her he loved her? Why couldn't that be enough?

He let out a frustrated sigh. "I-I don't know why. I guess – I don't know. But I'm here now. I'm telling you that I want you and if you still want me then maybe we can…" his words drifted away as he leaned in slowly to kiss her.

April jerked away from him before he got the chance and stood up from the bed. "No, Jackson. I'm not doing this again. You can't just kiss me to get away from talking. And you can't go making it seem like you don't feel anything for me one day and the next day tell me that you love me out of the blue. If you're not gonna give me an explanation then you should just leave. You wasted your time coming here."

* * *

April started to make her way towards the door.

"I was scared," he blurted out just as her hand was turning the doorknob.

She slowly turned around to face him and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't say anything, expecting him to elaborate.

Jackson stood up from the bed and slowly made his way towards her. He stopped when he was just about arms length away from her. "I've never done this before April," he motioned to the space in between them. "This is just as new to me as it is to you."

She scoffed, but didn't say anything.

"I'm serious. Sure I've been with a lot of girls in the past, but I've never felt like this about anyone before. I've never been in love and had all these feelings about someone until _you_ came along. And that scared me in the beginning. It scared me a lot."

She finally spoke up. "Jackson –"

"No, wait. You wanted me to talk, so now I'm talking and I have to get it all out before I loose my nerve. So just please let me finish before you say anything. Please?"

April silently nodded in agreement.

"So in the beginning, that's why I was scared. I was scared of all of these new feelings that I had never experienced before. And I was feeling them for my best friend nonetheless. So, just when I was starting to come to terms with my feelings a little bit, the whole pregnancy thing came along and ruined everything. Now, I'm not blaming you for anything, but that night I just got scared all over again, but for a whole different reason. Because for a moment, just for a second, I had envisioned that future with you. With the big wedding, and the house with the big yard, and the kids. And it never had anything to do with you being pregnant, I would have wanted it anyways, I _still_ want it. But then I saw how relieved you were that none of that was actually going to happen and so I walked away before you could get the chance to walk away from me just like everyone else."

April was confused and she desperately wanted to say something, but she was holding back until he finished like she had promised.

He continued. "Oh, you should probably know that I have abandonment issues. My mom's been trying to get me to go to a shrink for years, but I've always just ignored her. Maybe I should take her advice one day," he laughed trying to lighten the mood. When he saw that April was still serious he explained further.

"Everyone always leaves. That's why I don't like funerals and that's why I don't open up to people, except you. And that's why I always walk away, as I'm sure you've noticed. You know that my dad walked out on me when I was a kid," he stated rather than questioned.

April nodded.

"Well, what you don't know is why. My mother had been pregnant with my little brother when I was a kid. She lost him and my dad was never quite the same after that. So, he left. Then there was John, my step dad. He lived with us for a couple years and treated me better than my own dad ever did, but he ended up leaving too. Then obviously there was Charles and Reed, and Mark and Lexie. And now Dr. Webber. So, yeah I'm kinda messed up. I've always thought maybe there was something wrong with me and that's why nobody sticks around me for too long," he shrugged.

April couldn't keep quiet any longer. "There's nothing wrong with you, Jackson," she said quietly as she took a step closer to him.

"That's actually another reason why I pushed you away when you came to me that night of the storm. I thought you deserved someone better than me and Matthew seemed like a great guy. You had looked really happy when you accepted his proposal, I didn't think that you even thought about me anymore. So, I pushed my feelings for you away because I wanted you to be happy with a guy who could give you everything that I couldn't," he admitted.

"I would have never been happy with Matthew. I was trying to make myself feel for him even half of what I felt for you, but it didn't work. I thought you had moved on and I was trying to do the same. That's why I accepted his proposal. That and because I just kind of got caught up in the whole moment. I mean, it would have been kind of hard to say no to him when there were a bunch of other people looking at me, waiting to hear my answer. But that night of the storm, I realized the truth. I would have never been happy with him and I would have never loved him because I was in love with you. I still am."

Jackson's face lit up and he smiled boyishly at hearing her say that she was in love with him. It made her heart flutter.

"There's still one thing I don't understand," she told him hesitantly.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Why now? I mean, what made you stopped being scared and made you come all the to San Francisco to tell me now?" she wondered.

"You're the exception," he stated simply, while fondly looking at her.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not understanding what he meant. "What do you mean?"

"You never left me. Even though I had thought you had and I was scared that you would. I was at the funeral this morning thinking and I realized that you've always been there for me when I've really needed you. We've been through so much together. And I also realized that life's too short and I can't push you away anymore. I can't keep living like this anymore, scared all the time. I want to be happy and you're the only person that makes me truly happy. And if you let me, I promise I will try my hardest every day to make you happy too."

April couldn't help but smile. She still couldn't believe that Jackson was here in San Francisco saying all these wonderful things to her that she had dreamed of him saying to her one day. She took his face in her hands, "You don't have to try. You already make me happy."

"I do?" he smiled.

"Yeah, you do," she nodded. "And just for the record, I think you're amazing. You are the nicest, sweetest, funniest, smartest, and hottest man I know. And you don't have to be scared of me ever leaving you."

"I am pretty hot, aren't I?" he asked with a cocky smile.

She swatted at his chest. "Don't push your luck mister," she laughed.

Jackson chuckled and grabbed at her waist, pulling her to him and completely closing off any distance that there had been in between them.

He still couldn't believe that he finally had her. She still wanted him and she loved him. He felt like the happiest and luckiest guy in the world. He finally had her here in his arms after so long. After everything they had been through, they had finally found their way back to each other. And now that he had her, he wasn't planning on letting her go anytime soon.

He leaned in slowly, testing to see if she would pull away from him again, and when she didn't, he pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her slowly at first, but the kiss quickly escalated. His hands were tangled in her long red locks and her hands were at his waistline, pulling at the bottom hem of his shirt. She pulled his shirt off quickly over his head and threw it over her shoulder. Then she took hers off too and she pushed him down on the bed, proceeding to kiss his neck. He really loved it when she took control.

Just as she was about to unzip his jeans, he came to his senses and gently grabbed her hand. "Wait, April. Stop," he said roughly.

"What's wrong?" April asked under her breath as she softly bit her lip. Damn it, it drove him crazy when she did that and she knew it.

"I just – I don't think this is a good idea," he felt like the biggest idiot saying that to her as he watched her awkwardly sit up and pull her shirt back over her head.

"Oh, okay," was all she said.

He quickly grabbed her hand reassuringly. "It's not that I don't want to, because believe me I want to as you can obviously tell," he said as he glanced down at his lap with a disappointed expression on his face.

This caused her to blush and giggle. "Okay so, what is it?"

"I just think that maybe we should take it slow this time. You know, one step at a time. I just feel like last time we rushed right into having sex and I want to do it right this time. I want to hold your hand, and take you out on dates, and buy you flowers. I want everyone to know you're my girl. I've never really taken it slow before, but I want to with you. Is that okay with you?" he asked hesitantly.

April smiled slowly and nodded, "Yeah, that sounds perfect."

"And if you want, I can wait."

"Wait for what?" April asked, confused.

"Marriage. I know your religion is very important to you and I should have respected your views before," He saw the look on her face and let out a laugh. "Don't worry, I'm not proposing to you right now or anything. But I want a future with you and marriage is big part of that. So, if you want for us to wait, then we'll wait. Contrary to your belief, I _can_ control myself around you. Well sometimes," he smirked.

April laughed softly and he saw that she had tears in her eyes. He reached out his hand to brush away a lone tear that had managed to streak down her check. "Hey, don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you."

She smiled. "You didn't upset me. I'm crying because I'm happy," she said as she wiped away the rest of her tears with the back of her hand. "You would do that for me? You would wait for me?"

He cupped her face in his hands. "Of course I would. I would do anything for you."

She smiled again and kissed him softly on the lips.

He smiled back at her. "Oh! I almost forgot, I have something for you," he said as he stood up and reached into the front pocket of his jeans.

"You do? What is it?" April asked excitedly.

"Well since you're taking your boards tomorrow, I brought you my lucky pencil for good luck. I had meant to give it to you before you left, but with everything going on, I forgot," he said as he took the pencil out from his pocket.

April softly giggled and took the pencil from his hand.

"I know it's lame, but I thought –"

April quickly cut him off with a kiss. "It's sweet. Thank you." She kissed him again. "I love you."

A smile immediately spread across Jackson's face. "I love you too," he said as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Man, I am never going to get tired of saying that."

"Me neither. And I'm never gonna get tired of hearing it," she smiled. April gasped as she reached over to put the pencil on the bedside table. "Oh my God. Where did the time go? It's almost midnight and I really need to get some sleep to be ready for my boards tomorrow."

"Whoa, time sure did go by fast. Sorry, I'll go and let you get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

April reached out to grab his hand before he could get up from the bed. "Don't go. You can sleep here if you want," she said shyly.

"Are you sure?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah. Don't worry I won't jump you in your sleep or anything. You're not the only one who can control themselves."

He let out a laugh. "Okay, I'll stay then. But only if you promise to stay on your side of the bed," he joked as he untied his shoes and climbed into the bed.

April hit him with a pillow, which just caused him to laugh even more. "You are so lucky that it's late and that you have a very important test to take tomorrow, 'cause otherwise we would be in a full out pillow fight right now."

April stuck out her tongue at him and went into the bathroom to change into her pajamas.

When she returned, she turned off the lamp and got under the covers.

He smiled and scooted over closer to her, slinging his arm comfortably around her waist. "So, just to make sure we're both on the same page here, you're officially my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend right?"

April giggled. "That sounds so juvenile, but yes. We're a couple now," she smiled at him.

Jackson smiled back sweetly at her.

"We still have a lot to work on though, if we're gonna make it work this time," she said seriously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well mainly our communication. I mean, we were great at talking when we were just friends, but once we crossed that line both of us kind of sucked at communicating our thoughts and feelings out loud. I guess it's 'cause we were both scared," she shrugged.

"You're right. How about we make a promise? Let's promise to always tell each other everything from now on. Even if we're scared or upset or whatever," he said as he gently stroked her back.

"Okay, that sounds great."

"Pinky promise?"he asked as he held out his pinky to her.

"Pinky promise," she giggled, as she took his pinky in hers.

"Okay, now let's get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow after you ace your boards."

"When I _hopefully_ ace my boards," she corrected him.

He rolled his eyes at her.

She smiled. "Goodnight," she whispered softly, looking up at him.

He looked down at her. They had never done this before. They had never spent the night over and just _slept_ together in a bed before, but he already could tell that he loved it. He had never been one for cuddling, but he could just lay here all day with April in bed and do absolutely nothing, and he would be completely fine with that. Never before had he wanted to just lie in bed with a girl before, but April was special. She made if feel things that he had never felt before. He definitely looked forward to more nights just like this.

"Goodnight," he replied as he kissed her one last time. He laid his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes, feeling happier than he had ever felt in a very long time.

* * *

**A/N: Aw. I can't wait for Jackson to confess his feelings to April on the show. This was how I pictured it in my head and I hope you enjoyed it my take on it. **

**The next chapter will be the last, so stay tuned for that!**

**Thank you for reading and please R&R =]**


	7. Whatever You Want

**A/N: Well, this is it everyone. The last chapter.**

**Before I go on, I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to every single one of you who have read, reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. I mean, this story has almost 100 reviews! Unbelievable. This was the first story I've ever even written, besides stuff for school but that doesn't count, and I didn't think anyone would read it much less like it! Truly, it really has meant so much to me that you guys have taken the time out of your lives to read this little story of mine and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your thoughts and opinions. I really appreciate all of the support you guys have shown this story!**

**And without further ado, here is the final chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Whatever You Want**

_~I want you to stay~_

Jackson slowly opened his eyes. He was still half asleep and not really sure exactly where he was. The bright sun was blinding. He felt a warm body next to him and noticed that his arm was wrapped around someone. He forced himself to open his eyes completely and he found a lock of bright red hair standing out from the white pillow sheets. He immediately smiled a sleepy smile when he saw her still sleeping in her bed. He remembered where he was now. He was at April's apartment, having spent the night over yesterday.

Three weeks had gone by since he and April had reconciled in San Francisco. Now, they were back in Seattle and things were going great, better than great actually. They were inseparable. They did pretty much everything together and he never left her side.

They had stayed true to their word and had not slept together, but they were staying over at each other's apartments every so often. Sometimes things got a little too heated and they had to step on the brakes. It was hard sometimes to stop himself when she was kissing him and when she looked _so_ good, but he managed. In truth, he just wanted to be close to her and to make up for all the lost time.

April let out a little snore and turned in her sleep. Now she was facing him. He studied her sleeping face. Ever since they had started sleeping in the same bed, he couldn't help but notice how innocent and peaceful she looked in her sleep. She looked like a beautiful angel and he couldn't help but stare. He was an early riser and he would always wake up before she did. He didn't know how long he would just stay there in bed looking at her while she slept. He felt like a creeper, but he couldn't help himself. Luckily, she hadn't caught him in the act yet.

Then all of a sudden she opened her eyes and he found himself staring into those big, beautiful eyes of hers. She looked wide awake which led him to believe that she had been awake for awhile already.

"Hey," he said, averting his gaze to the ceiling.

"Hey. How long have you been staring at me while I slept?" she questioned him with a smile.

"I – I wasn't staring," he stammered.

She giggled. "Sure you weren't."

"I wasn't," he huffed. "I was just admiring you. You look like a peaceful angel when you sleep."

She smiled and blushed.

"And you also snore," he added.

She laughed and smacked him on the chest. "I do not snore!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, you do. Don't worry though it's not a loud snore, more like a quiet, soft snore. It's actually really adorable."

"Whatever. I do _not_ snore," she stated firmly, refusing to believe him.

"Okay, next time I'll record you and then you'll have to believe me."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "What time is it anyway?" she asked through a yawn. Jackson looked over at his clock. "It's seven."

"Seven? We have to leave for work in like thirty minutes! Why didn't you wake me?" she exclaimed anxiously as she forced herself to get up from the very comfortable bed.

"Relax. We still have plenty of time. Come here," he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back down on the bed. "You haven't even given me my good morning kiss," he pointed out with a pout.

She grinned and slowly leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. Just as she was about to pull away, he grabbed her by the waist again and pulled her into him deepening the kiss. There was something about her that just intoxicated him. Whenever she kissed him, he didn't want to stop. Maybe it was because she smelled so good all of the time, like strawberries and a hint of vanilla. Or maybe it was her soft, smooth skin, or the way she liked to slightly tug on his bottom lip whenever she kissed him. Whatever it was, she was driving him crazy.

Before they could get even more lost into their kiss, April put a hand on his chest and reluctantly pulled away. "We should really start getting ready or we're gonna be late for work," she said breathlessly.

Jackson nodded, not trusting himself to speak just yet.

* * *

April happily hummed to herself as she walked into the hospital's cafeteria. For the first time in her life, everything seemed to be going just right. She was happy.

Work was going great. She had just performed a surgery that had gone very smoothly. Ever since she had taken her boards, she was getting to perform in a lot more surgeries than she previously had. She was still waiting on her board results, she literally checked her email every five minutes to see if her results had come in to no avail, but she actually had a very good feeling that she had passed this time around. She hadn't had a complete mental break down in the middle of her exam like she had the last time, nor had she went on to tell the instructors that she had just had sex with her best friend. So she was feeling pretty confident this time around.

Along with work going along great, her love life was going wonderfully as well. Being with Jackson is the best thing that has ever happened to her. He was so sweet, caring, understanding, and loving. It had only been three weeks since they had officially became a couple, but it felt they had been together forever.

When Jackson had said that he wanted to do things right this time around, he had sure meant it. April had never known that he could be such a romantic. He had taken her out on dates almost every night since they had gotten back from San Francisco. They had been on the classic movie and dinner date, he had taken her to expensive fancy restaurants, they had went bowling one night, they had visited the Space Needle, and they had even had a picnic on the beach. And when they hadn't gone out, Jackson had insisted on cooking for her. He had even surprised her by going the whole mile and buying her flowers and lighting candles.

He was definitely spoiling her, but she wasn't complaining. All of this was like a dream come true. She had finally met her prince charming that she had always dreamed of. She had to keep pinching herself to make sure it wasn't all just a dream.

April grabbed her lunch tray and immediately smiled when she spotted Jackson walking towards her with his own lunch in his hands.

"Hey babe," Jackson called out as he approached her.

"Babe?" she laughed.

He shrugged sheepishly. "I thought I'd try it out, see how it sounded."

"Well I like it. You sound sexy saying it," she smiled as she stood on her tippy toes to plant a quick peck on his cheek.

They both talked and laughed as they made their way to the table where the rest of their friends were already sitting.

"Ugh, can you two like seriously get a room or something," Cristina snapped with disgust as April and Jackson placed down their trays and sat down at the table.

"What? We were just talking," April replied innocently.

"Just talking? I can tell just by the way you two are looking at each other right now that all you're thinking about is ripping each other clothes off and jumping each other right here on this very table," Cristina accused as she squinted her eyes at them.

"Cristina!" April exclaimed. "We – We are not thinking such impure thoughts."

Jackson just shook his head and laughed under his breath.

"I'm with Yang on this one. I liked it way better when you two were just ignoring each other," Alex mumbled through a bite of his sandwich.

"Whatever man. Don't take it out on us just 'cause you and Jo got into a fight," Jackson teased.

"Whatever," was all Alex said.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Oh, leave the two lovebirds alone. They deserve to be happy after all it took for them to finally confess how they really feel about each other."

"Thank you, Meredith. At least someone understands," April smiled.

"Whatever. In a few months you'll be sick of each other anyways. The fights will start, someone will cheat, and then before you know it he wants to have a kid out of no where and just screw everything up," Cristina spoke in a cold voice.

No one said a word after that. They just ate their lunch in silence.

April ate her lunch as quickly as possible, basically shoving her food down her throat. She hated the dark mood Cristina had just created and she couldn't help but wonder if she had a point. The past few weeks with Jackson had been perfect, a dream come true. But she wasn't delusional and she knew that things wouldn't stay like this forever. They hadn't even talked about kids. She knew that he wanted kids, but how soon? She wasn't ready to settle down just yet and start popping out babies. She still had many things that she wanted to do and places she wanted to see. And of course they would have to get married first.

Now there were so many thoughts going through her head and she didn't know how to express her worries to Jackson without sounding like a complete lunatic. Everything had been going so great that she didn't want to mess things up with her stupid insecurities.

April quickly stood up from the table with a half eaten lunch on her tray. All of a sudden, she wasn't hungry anymore.

"Hey, where are you going?" Jackson wondered.

"I – I just remembered that there's this thing I have to do. I'll see you later okay," April said with a strained smile. She turned and left before he could even get a word out.

"Okay," Jackson slowly muttered to no one in particular as he watched her briskly walk away.

* * *

April spotted Jackson down the hall and she quickly dodged into the girl's bathroom to avoid him. Thankfully, the bathroom was empty.

She could tell that he was looking for her, but she couldn't face him. Not yet. She had actually been trying to avoid him all day. She just couldn't find the nerve to tell him what all was going through her head right now.

In reality, she was freaking out. She was having another one of her mental breakdowns and she just needed some space. She still couldn't get what Cristina had said out of her head. It wasn't her exact words that scared her. She wasn't afraid of Jackson cheating on her because she knew that he was a one woman kind of guy. He was faithful and loyal and she trusted him more than anyone. And it wasn't about the kids either. She knew that he wanted kids and even though she wasn't ready to have kids right at this moment, she wanted them too.

What was freaking her out was the future. Jackson had told her that he wanted to get married and have kids with her eventually, but did he really mean that? And if he did, how could he be so sure that it would actually happen? Things didn't always turn out the way one planned them. April knew from personal experience that everything could change in an instant. One day you have something and then the next day it's gone. Just like that. Now that she actually had the man of her dreams, a man that actually loved her and she loved him back, she couldn't imagine how it would feel if she lost him one day. She didn't even really know what she had done to deserve him in the first place. How could a guy like Jackson ever even notice a girl like her, much less fall in love with her? That was something that she still didn't understand. Jackson had it all. He had the looks, brains, and personality. He could have any girl in the world. Why would he want to be with an average looking, self-conscious, crazy, Ohio farm girl like herself?

She knew that she shouldn't be thinking such self-deprecating thoughts, but she couldn't help it. Cristina's words had opened her eyes to reality. These past few weeks with Jackson had been great and all, but they were all a dream. Things weren't going to stay perfect forever, she knew that. It was time to open her eyes and face reality.

Her iPhone beeped, pulling her out of her dark thoughts for a moment. She took it out of her pocket and looked down to see that besides the handful of texts that Jackson had sent her which she had chosen to ignore, she also had an urgent message. She quickly entered her password to unlock the screen and went to her email.

Oh no, it was a message from the board staff. Her results were back.

Great, this was exactly what she needed right now. Another nervous break down on top of the one she was already having.

Her first instinct was to go find Jackson, so he could calm her down and read out the results for her. But then she thought better of it. Jackson would know something was wrong and he would want to know why she had been avoiding him all day. She wasn't sure she was ready to face him just yet. Besides, she wasn't feeling all that confident about her results anymore and the last thing she wanted was for Jackson to pity her if she indeed ended up failing yet again.

She could do this. Whatever the results were, she would handle it, she tried to convince herself. She closed her eyes, said a silent prayer, and took one last deep breath before opening the email.

Her eyes quickly scanned the small screen and she exhaled a huge sigh of relief as her shoulders slumped down.

She had passed.

This was great news. She should be happy right? Then why didn't she feel happy? She tried to smile but the smile faltered on her lips and her breath hitched in her chest. She looked to her side and she realized that the one person that she wanted to share this wonderful news with, was not by her side.

April looked up at herself in the mirror. She looked horrible. Her makeup was smeared from all the tears and her eyes were red and swollen. She splashed cold water on her face and dried her face with a towel. She looked up at the mirror again. She still looked like a mess, but she looked a little bit better. She took a deep breath to compose herself. She had to stop crying and she had to face Jackson.

Eventually.

April heard the door squeak open and turned around.

"Oh hey Ap – April what's wrong?"

April avoided Meredith's concerned eyes. "Nothing. I'm fine," she lied.

"No you're not," Meredith argued. "You've obviously been crying. Did you and Jackson get into a fight or –"

"No, Meredith. Everything is fine. Better than fine actually," she insisted as she made her way across the bathroom.

"Okay then," Meredith said slowly. "But April if you need someone to talk to, a friend, I'm here."

April turned her head around towards Meredith as her hand clutched the door's handle. "Thank you, Meredith," she smiled sincerely.

Then she walked out of the bathroom leaving a confused Meredith behind.

* * *

It was the end of Jackson's shift and he had not seen April at all since lunch. He had looked for her a few times throughout the day in between surgeries, but had had no luck in finding her. He had even texted her a few times asking her where she was and if she was okay, but she had never texted back. It was like she was avoiding him or something and he had no clue why. Everything had been going great between them up until lunch.

Now, he was walking aimlessly around the hospital looking for her once again. They had made it a routine to leave work together every night now and he wasn't about to leave tonight without her. He was determined to find her even if he had to search the whole hospital from top to bottom to do so.

He had already looked earlier in the on-call room that they usually snuck into, but he decided to try his luck one more time and check in there again. He opened the door slowly, hoping to find her there.

Fortunately, there she was. She was sitting down on the bed with her head leaned back onto the wall and she looked like she had been crying.

"April," Jackson said quietly, "what's going on? I've been looking for you all day. Why are you crying?" he asked gently, concern filling his voice, as he took a seat on the bed next to her.

April wiped her eyes. "I got my board results back."

"Oh no. You – You didn't –"

April interrupted him, "No. No, I did. I passed. I passed with flying colors actually."

"Oh. Well that's great, April. Congratulations. But, I don't understand. If you passed then why are you crying?" Jackson asked as he furrowed his brow in confusion.

April shrugged her shoulders and bowed her head, not saying anything.

"April c'mon, say something. I'm starting to get worried. If I did something wrong then just tell me. I'll fix it, I promise. Just please talk to me," he pleaded.

"No. God no, Jackson. You haven't done anything wrong," she said as she took his face in her hands. "You've been so wonderful and sweet. It's just me. I'm just being stupid and letting all these stupid thoughts get in my head."

"You're not stupid," he immediately corrected her. "What are you thinking? Let me in."

April dropped her hands in her lap and began fidgeting with her fingers.

Jackson gently lifted her chin up with the tip of his finger. "April, talk to me. Remember we said that we would tell each other everything from now on?"

April nodded and let out a breath. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just – I don't want to ruin everything. Everything has been going so perfect and I know I'm just gonna mess everything up. That's why I was avoiding you all day. I thought that I just needed some time alone to think to myself and I would feel better eventually and we wouldn't have to be having this conversation right now."

"Whatever it is that's bugging you just tell me. We'll get through it together. You're not gonna ruin anything. I promise," Jackson said firmly as he rubbed her knee in reassurance.

April nodded. "Okay, well do you remember earlier today at lunch when Cristina got all moody and started talking about how soon we're gonna start fighting and all that in a couple of months?"

"Oh, so that is what this is about," Jackson said in realization.

"Yeah," April nodded meekly.

"April, couples fight all the time. Things have been going pretty smoothly for us now, but I'm sure we'll find something to fight about soon enough. Besides fighting is good. That's when all the passion comes out and we get to make up," he said with a sly grin.

"Yeah, but everything else that she said -"

"What, about cheating? April, I swear that you will never have to worry about that with me. You know that right? I'm a strictly monogamous guy," he said seriously.

"No, I know," April sighed. "I don't mean _that_. Just everything that she said made me start thinking about the future. Where do you see us going Jackson? I mean, our future? Do you want to stay living in Seattle or move somewhere else? How soon do you want to have kids? How many kids do you want? Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding? A one story house or a two story house? Can you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with me? Because I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you and that scares me a lot. But if you don't then –"

He cut her off with a kiss.

He didn't know where all of this was coming from all of a sudden. Everything had been going great between them. He guessed that what Cristina had said must have really affected her. He should have known that it would have now come to think of it. April was pretty insecure at times, even though he knew that she had no reason to be.

He pulled back and put his hands on her shoulders. He noticed that she was shaking. "April breathe," he instructed.

She did as she was told.

After a few breaths she seemed to have calmed down, at least enough to stop the shaking.

"I want what you want," Jackson stated simply.

"What?" April asked, confused.

"Where we live. The kids. The wedding. The house. _Whatever you want_, that's what I want because whatever makes you happy makes me happy too."

He continued, "And not only can I see myself spending the rest of my life with you, I _want_ to spend the rest of my life with you. I thought I had already made that clear, but now you know. Okay?" he asked as he searched her eyes.

April nodded as she brushed away her tears. "I'm sorry, you must think I'm some over emotional, insecure loser," April said with a shaky laugh.

"No I don't. I don't think that at all," he shook his head.

April smiled.

"Now c'mon. Let's go home," Jackson said as he got up and held out his hand for April to take.

But instead of getting up, April took his hand and pulled him down back onto the bed. Jackson looked at her in surprise. She smiled coyly at him and kissed him as she pushed him down on his back and got on top of him. He was surprised by her boldness, but did not protest. He let her kiss him and unbutton his shirt. Her hands pushed the fabric off of his shoulders. He involuntarily shivered when her nails raked his chest down to his stomach and she started to unbuckle his belt. When she was done with his belt, she moved on to take off her own shirt.

Were they really going to do this?

Just as he was about to say something, April's mouth came crashing back down onto his and all of his thoughts were washed away. All he could think about was the way that she was kissing him right now, with a desperate passion that left him dizzy and breathless. She trailed her lips down to his neck and he let out a low grunt. She knew exactly how to get him going.

From his neck, she moved down and left a trail of kisses down his chest, all the way down to his stomach. She stopped when she reached his pants. Her hands frantically unbuttoned them and she pulled them down and threw them onto the floor. He watched as she pulled hers off as well. Then, just as she was about to pull down his boxers, he stopped her.

"Wait, April," he panted as he raised himself up on his elbows. "Are we really gonna do this? I told you I'd wait. We don't have to this. We can wait."

"No Jackson," April shook her head as she tried to catch her breath. "I've been waiting all my life, but I don't want to wait anymore. I know that you think I blamed you for taking my virginity before, but I never blamed you. I was just mad at myself for not being able to control myself around you and I was confused at what I was feeling because you brought out this side of me that I didn't know even existed and I'd never felt like that before. But now I know exactly how I feel about you and you're it for me Jackson. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and for some crazy reason you want to spend your life with me too, so that's all I need. We're gonna get married one day right, so why wait? I'm sick of waiting. I don't want to wait anymore. Do you?" she bit down on her lip as she waited for him to answer.

Jackson shook his head slowly, not quite able to formulate words. He grabbed April by the back of her neck and pulled her down to him. He kissed her passionately as he wrapped his arms around her. He grabbed her by the waist and flipped her on her back. Now it was his turn.

He bent down to kiss her sloppily as his hands got tangled in her hair. His moved his mouth to the side and he nibbled her ear as his hands wandered down her body. She let out a soft moan as he moved to kiss her neck. He nuzzled into the crook of her neck and breathed her in. Her smell intoxicated him.

He removed the little clothes that they had left separating them. She let out a scream when he entered her and he bent down to kiss her on the lips. He had almost forgotten how good she felt. He had missed this so much. He looked down at her and was stunned by her beauty. "You're so beautiful," he whispered into her ear.

April, in response, pushed him to the side and rolled on top of him, straddling his waist with her thighs. It was her turn to take charge now and he wasn't complaining one bit. He loved it when she took control. He found it unbelievably sexy. She positioned herself on top of him and put her small hands on his chest. It didn't take too long for her to finish and he quickly finished after her.

She collapsed onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling the covers up to cover their bodies. He burrowed his nose into her hair and took a deep breath. "How do you always smell so good? Like strawberries and vanilla."

April giggled in response as she traced her nails along his chest. They stayed silent for awhile, just enjoying each others company.

After a moment, April propped herself on her elbow and looked into Jackson's eyes. "I have a question for you," she told him hesitantly.

Jackson stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

"I mean, I don't wanna ruin the mood or anything. It's kind of another one of my stupid thoughts and -"

He cut her of before she could go any further, "April, you can ask me anything. What is it?"

"Why me?" she quietly asked.

"What?" he asked, not quite sure of what she was asking him.

"I mean, I know I'm not usually the type of girl that you would go for," she explained. "I'm not tall, dark, sexy, nor confident."

Jackson cocked his head in bemusement.

April continued, "And you! I mean c'mon. You're perfect. Never in a million years would I, or anyone else for that matter, have thought that you would be interested in someone like _me_. Much less fall in love with me! So I guess what I'm trying to ask is why did you? Why did you fall in love with me?"

Jackson pondered her question for a moment before answering. He didn't understand the fact that she found it so hard to believe that he had fallen for her. He wanted to make her feel more sure of herself because he had a million reasons as to why he had fallen in love with her. He didn't even know where to begin.

"April, to be completely honest, I don't know when or how exactly I fell in love with you. But I do know why. First of all you're my best friend. You've always been there for me and you've never cared about my name or my looks like everyone else. I love how passionate you are about the things you care about, like your work and your patients. I love how stubborn you are sometimes," he took a moment to laugh. "Whenever something gets in your head, you go for it and you don't give up. Let's see what else?" he tapped his finger to his chin. "I love that you're super smart, can make me laugh even when I'm upset, oh and you are _very_ sexy."

April blushed.

He went on, "I love how you scrunch up your nose whenever your confused, I love how you bite your lip without even knowing it, I love how your voice gets really high whenever your angry or upset, I love your eyes, I love your smile, I love your hair - should I keep going? Because I have a million reasons as to why I fell in love with you and I could keep going for days."

April shook her head and kissed him softly on the lips as she caressed his cheek. "Thank you. You always know how to make me feel better."

He grinned. "You have no reason to thank me. I'm just telling you the truth and I wish you saw yourself the way I see you. But April, whenever there's something that's bugging you or whenever you're upset about something, just tell me ok. Don't avoid me or anything. I promise I'll understand and it will make you feel better if you just got it off you're chest. You can tell me anything. We're still best friends after all. Me and you, remember?"

April smiled, "Yeah, me and you."

After laying in bed for a while longer, they got up and got dressed.

April intertwined her fingers with Jackson's and they left the hospital hand in hand.

They couldn't be sure of what the future had in store for them, but as long as they had each other, everything would be just fine.

* * *

**A/N: The End. **

**And there you have it everyone! The last chapter! **

**I just want to say thank you one more time to everyone for reading. You guys made writing this ten times more fun and you all really motivated me to become a better writer. I don't know when, but I will for sure write more Jackson/April fanfics for you guys in the future.**

**With all that being said, I cannot wait for season 10 to start! Only a little over a month to go before we get to see Jackson and April's journey continue. I'm so excited for them to, ****hopefully, finally get together. I have hope!**

**Anyways, thanks again! Until next time =]**


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